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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

Spider-Man (review)

Best. Comic Book Movie. Ever.

Sing along!

Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Kicked Harry Potter in the can
Blockbuster, all the way
Hundred mill in just three days
Geek out! Here comes the Spider-Man!

Does it rock? Listen dude
Here’s a flick for hoopy froods
Is it cool? Without a doubt
Why d’ya think it’s all sold-out?
No go! Try the 10:15 Spider-Man
Tobey M., Tobey M.
Kicking ass as Spider-Man
Big blue eyes, shy and sweet
But avoid him on darkened streets
Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man!

Kirsten D., Kirsten D.
Pete Parker’s would-be sweetie
Killer bod, killer smile
Won’t let him within a mile
Watch out! Here comes teenage angst!

Metaphor, metaphor
Little boy’s now something more
Hair sprouting from every pore
Shootin’ sticky-white stuff galore
Watch out! Time’s come to mature!

Will Dafoe, Will Dafoe
He’s the foe and he don’t know
Green Goblin, nasty guy
Superstrong, knows how to fly
Oh no! He simply has to go!

Parable, parable
Gene splicing is terrible
Scientific meddling gone awry
Is what creates the bad guy
But wait! Here comes the Spider-Man!

Spider-Man, Mary Jane
Great screen kiss out in the rain
Green Goblin snatches the girl
Cuz she rocks Spidey’s world
So there! Take that, Spider-Man!

Spider-Man, lonely man
Rejects her to save Mary Jane
Ethics and morality
A dose of comics philosophy
Bummer! Poor old Spider-Man!

NYC, NYC
Twin Towers in a coupla scenes
Streets and sky, mighty fine
NYC in another time
Hey now! Where were you, Spider-Man?

Jim Franco, Jim Franco
Pete’s bud takes a tough blow
One sequel could be in the can:
James Dean versus Spider-Man?
Look out! Bad guy who’s got a cause!

Sam Raimi, Sam Raimi
Thank the gods for Sam Raimi
A filmmaker who’s geekified
He knows why we stand in line
Come on! We’re ready for Spidey 3!

At the end of the spring
Winter flicks like war crimes
Leave a bitter sting
He arrives just in time

Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Friendly multiplex Spider-Man
Wealth and fame, he’s assured
Sequels are his reward
Us, we are fans obsessed
Whenever there is a geek fest
You find the Spider fans!


MPAA: rated PG-13 for stylized violence and action

viewed at a public multiplex screening

official site | IMDb
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