National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers (review)
The “world’s dumbest criminals” (Will Friedle and Chris Owen: October Sky) hit on a grand get-rich scheme: marry two rich old broads (Louise Lasser: Requiem for a Dream and Renée Taylor) and kill them for their money. Unfortunately for the boys, the broads, secretly dead broke, have only married the idiot twins in order to kill them and collect on their newly insured bodies. More unfortunately for us, the “honeymoon” features such nightmares as whipped cream melting off sweaty, pasty skin and sloppy tongue kisses to large noses. As abysmal as the film’s concept is, the execution is unimaginably worse, a stomach-turning orgy of greed, lust, and sordid desperation that even those who revel in crude humor will likely be repulsed by. Whoever conceived of this celebration of the basest of human instincts deserves to sentenced to sit through it a dozen times, which is eleven and three-quarters times more than the rest of its audience will be able to endure.