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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

say what? 2005 final

It had to be done: all in one place, the very best bad dialogue of the year 2005. No ranking — newer quotes are posted at the top. [Warning: May contain spoilers.]
“Now, let’s see if we can find the body that goes with that arm,”
–Sarge (the Rock), Doom

“You just wanna get in my pants.” –Alexandria (Jaime King)
“I wanna get in your heart and mind and soul, and I don’t see any pants in that equation.” –Brandon Lang (Matthew McConaughey)
Two for the Money

“I believe in you more than I believe in the prospect of any treasure.”
–Sam (Jessica Alba), to Jared (Paul Walker), Into the Blue

“I’m gonna beat you like a runaway slave!”
–Special Agent Derrick Vann (Samuel L. Jackson), to a black suspect, The Man

“They’re fixing a shit sandwich upstairs, and you’re the mayonnaise.”
–Special Agent Derrick Vann (Samuel L. Jackson), to Andy Fidler (Eugene Levy), The Man

“It wasn’t a butterfly you stepped on — it was evolution.”
–Travis Ryer (Edward Burns), A Sound of Thunder

“It’s got a brain like a quantum sponge.”
–some nerd, on EDI the robot warplane, Stealth

“I’m gonna exterminate this bug.”
–Trip Murphy (Matt Dillon), on Herbie, Herbie: Fully Loaded

“I’ve blown bigger things out my nose — prettier, too.”
–junkyard guy Crazy Dave (Jeremy Roberts), on Herbie, Herbie: Fully Loaded

“It was the pants’ destiny to come to us.”
–Carmen (America Ferrera), The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

“Hot-dog vendors, high-powered rifles: I love the combination, and so do the fans.”
–ESPN2 announcer, The Longest Yard

“The idea of a nun ditching her habit for a guy in the military? Nothing wrong with that.”
–Shane Wolfe (Vin Diesel), on The Sound of Music, The Pacifier

“You’ve betrayed us… and you’ve betrayed this country.”
–the mom (Faith Ford), to the bad guy, The Pacifier

“I’ve got it so bad for you, I’d go to the store for you and buy you feminine products.”
–Orlando (Shemar Moore), Diary of a Mad Black Woman

“Love is my life.” –Alex (Will Smith)
“No, love is your job.” –Albert (Kevin James)

“My mother’s been fucking your old man behind my father’s back!”
–Scott (Adam Garcia) to Kelly (Alice Evans), Fascination

“I heard some noises. I saw you come out of the woods with a shovel. Is everything all right?”
–Steven (Robert John Burke) to David (Robert De Niro), Hide and Seek

“I don’t bed criminals — I fuck bad boys. There’s a difference.”
–Iris Ferry (Drea de Matteo), Assault on Precinct 13

“No offense, but I’m pretty fuckin’ perturbed about this.”
–Jake Roenick (Ethan Hawke), Assault on Precinct 13

“I don’t contact the dead — the dead contact me.”
–Raymond Price (Ian McNeice), White Noise

“It is one thing to contact the dead, and it is another thing to meddle — and you are meddling.”
–Mirabelle Keegan (Connor Tracy), White Noise

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year in review

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