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the film criticism aspect of cyber | by maryann johanson

cinemastrology accounts for Phil Spector’s hair and Jessica Simpson’s babylust

You may have seen this story online today:

Record producer Phil Spector, awaiting trial for murder, is being sued for more than $5 million by his former personal assistant, whose claims include sexual harassment.

In September, the creator of rock music’s “wall of sound” sued Michelle Blaine, alleging that she siphoned off hundreds of thousands of dollars from his accounts.

Blaine countersued Friday, saying Spector, 66, authorized all payments to her including the gift of a $700,000 house, sexually harassed her, sometimes appeared naked in front of her and once asked her to find him a prostitute. One time, she said, she declined an invitation to join him and a prostitute in his hotel room.

And maybe this one, too:

Jessica Simpson is taking adoption plans so seriously she has hatched a plan to buy a Mexican orphanage.

I mention them because my secret informer who’s been supplying me the inside dope on cinemastrology’s stranglehold on Hollywood sent me these tidbits:

In case you haven’t already guessed this, I’ve been told by Phil Spector’s personal assistant’s personal assistant that Phil is “il pittore pazzo” [that’s “sign of the mad painter”–maj]. I’m still trying to dig up the definitions of each sign but I think it’s safe to say that the name speaks for itself.

Even weirder is Jessica Simpson and this whole strange baby business. Word is that Jessica believes she is “il monarca lieto” [“sign of the joyful king”–maj] which I THINK is the sign that most of the major A-list stars identify with, but if the cinemastrology rules are followed correctly she is actually “il ratto nero infetto con peste” [“sign of the plague-infected black rat”–maj] which is more like what agents and personal trainers are. Which could REALLY explain things if she’s totally misinterpreting advice meant for superstars for her own leech-like life.

My correspondent promises that s/he is trying to get ahold of more information about how one determines what one’s cinemastrology sign is, and hopes to have more soon.



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