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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

cinemastrology: cinemascopes for the week of 05.18-05.24

Here are the ten signs of cinemastrology, and — according to my informer — what counsel members of each sign have received for the coming week:
il rosa della bussola (sign of the compass rose): A journey across the sea can be invigorating… or it can be torturous. Still, you command all those around you, all the time — the fear mingled with the love only strengthens it. Use that if you must.

il chicco di caffè (sign of the coffee bean): There are those who will chastise you for doing what needs to be done, but you can safely ignore them. You are alone in appreciating the difficult position you’re in — it’s not as easy to be you as it looks.

il coltello da formaggio (sign of the cheese knife): No one ever said that putting your best foot forward wasn’t a good idea — it was your own initiative that put someone else’s foot forward in your place. Reward yourself for your cleverness, and ensure that the foot goes back where it belongs.

il libro dimenticato (sign of the forgotten book): Someone once said that your eyes would stay crossed permanently if you held that look for too long, and now it’s happened. When you figure out how to get back to where you started, things wil improve.

il gnocchi avanzi (sign of the leftover potato dumpling): Just drive away from the scene of the crime, and don’t look back. When the police come calling, play dumb… but line up an alibi anyway. Cash bribes also work, but be careful who you offer one to.

il pressa enologic (sign of the wine press): Stamping your foot actually works, sometimes, and in the right company. Twisting the appropriate figures around little fingers also works, and lucky for you, you just can’t get rid of the fan club, can you?

il pugnale avvelenata (sign of the poisoned dagger): That feeling that you live with, of cruel hands wrapped around your neck, squeezing the breath out of you, wrenching the life from your very flesh? That’s going to stop being metaphoric very soon.

il ratto nero infetto con peste (sign of the plague-infected black rat): A pair of scissors is always lying about, but do you use them as you might? Think of all the shades of meaning the word “cutting” enjoys, and employ more than the literal one.

il monarca lieto (sign of the joyful king): Even you have days filled with catcalls and boos and the disdain of your lessers — how you handle such behavior will determine how long it endures. Chin up, and keep that smile dazzling. Everyone still loves you.

il pittore pazzo (sign of the mad painter): Collecting used Kleenex seemed like an inarguable way to solve the matter vexing you, but if it isn’t working, another tack to try involves calendars and bunny rabbits. You know what that means.

(catch up with the unfolding story of cinemastrology here)



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