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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

did Britney Spears give up Kabbalah for cinemastrology? signs point to yes!

As my cinemastrology informant has done before, this afternoon I received a snippet of a Filamadamus sonnet and was challenged to match it up with strange celebrity doings. So I spent some time surfing entertainment news and gossip sites and pondering the bizarrities of famous idiots and came up with the answer.

I think. Maybe I’m wrong, but this sure is fun.

The sonnet — or part of it, anyway. (Are sonnets 16 lines long?):

When he once Kind has turn’ed cruel
And the maiden of lance be curl’d of lock
Indulge thine rage with burning fuel
Such mighty swiftness for thine cradle rock’d

This has got to be the advice Britney Spears was working from when she was snapped wearing hair curlers (“curl’d of lock”?) and racing along (“burning fuel”?) with her baby incorrectly secured in his carseat in the back (“thine cradle rock’d”?), yes? The Bosh reported it thusly:

Britney Spears is at the center of another row over the safety of her son – after allegedly flouting baby car-seat rules again.
The 24-year-old pregnant pop star – who faced outrage after driving with Sean Preston on her knee earlier this year – was seen driving her convertible Mini Cooper with 8-month-old son Sean Preston in the back, sitting in a car seat facing forward.

It has sparked fears the eight-month-old tot was not properly strapped into his chair.

The photos — in which Spears also sports hair curlers — have sparked debate over whether the singer violated the California vehicle code reports AP.

I was confused by that first line, though — “When he once Kind has turn’ed cruel” — until I discovered two things: “Kevin” means “Kind” (and clever of Filamadamus to clue us in to this with the use of an uppercase “K” there), and Mr. Spears, aka Kevin Federline, has indeed been rather publicly cruel to his spouse very recently, as The Bosh also had the scoop on:

Federline says he would save his son over wife Britney Spears.
The 28-year-old rapper admitted that if he was stranded on a raft at sea and only allowed to save either his son Sean Preston or pop star spouse he would have to let his wife drown.

He told US radio station Power 106FM: “Sean P. I would save my kids. Sorry baby I love you but I had to say that.”

It all makes so much sense, I’m tempted to cross over to the cinemastrology cult myself.

Oh, and then there’s this delish tidbit, from IMDB News, which suggests that Britney has recently had some sort of spiritual conversion:

Singer Britney Spears has given up on her Kabbalah studies, insisting she has found a new religion in her family. The star was introduced to the faith often described as “Jewish mysticism” in 2003 by Madonna. Spears, who has not posted a message on her website in over a year, left the brief note, “I no longer study Kaballah (sic), my baby is my religion” on May 12. The message appeared in the “Love B” section of her site devoted to the singer’s “stream of consciousness” thoughts. The singer didn’t clarify whether she was referring to her 8-month old son, Sean Preston, the baby she is currently pregnant with, or even husband Kevin Federline. Less than two weeks ago Spears was spotted carrying a Kabbalah book while visiting Mexican fast food restaurant Taco Bell.

Her baby is specifically mentioned in a Filamadamus sonnet aimed directly at her (“maiden of lance” = Ms. Spears), so her change of religious heart is clearly a move over to cinemastrology. Which we knew anyway, my informant having revealed her cinemastrology sign as il pressa enologic (sign of the wine press).

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