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the film criticism aspect of cyber | by maryann johanson

mission improbable? MI3 promo gets blown up, cinemastrology to blame?

You all heard about this, right?

A newspaper promotion for Tom Cruise’s upcoming Mission: Impossible III got off to an explosive start when a county arson squad blew up a Californian news rack, thinking it contained a bomb.

The confusion: the Los Angeles Times rack was fitted with a digital musical device designed to play the Mission: Impossible theme song when the door was opened. But in some cases, the red plastic boxes with protruding wires were jarred loose and dropped onto the stack of newspapers inside, alarming customers.

[from the Sydney Morning Herald]

Accident? No way, says my secret cinemastrology informer, who sent me this interesting tidbit in an email earlier today (I’ve redacted some info to protect the identity of my correspondent):

You can’t BELIEVE how pissed off Tom Cruise is about this newspaper rack thing! [redacted] was getting a freakin earful on the phone the other morning from Sri Lanka or Shanghai or New York or wherever the hell his Tomness was promoting this damn film. NOT because it wasn’t an effective bit of promo, cause it was and Tom is nothing if not a total publicity whore as anyone with a smidge of brain can see, so you would think he would have LOVED it. But it was the idea of PR supergenuis [redacted] who is TOTALLY a cinemastrology nutball and got the idea to plant fake bombs all over L.A. as a PR thing from some sonnet of Filamadamus’s that I can’t track down even though I’ve been trying. It was no way an accident that someone thought this was a bomb in the newspaper rack thing — that was absolutely the intention. The news coverage that came after that was like nothing you can actually buy — it was a HUGE success and everyone was clapping themselves on the back and snorting huge piles of coke and hiring hookers and everything that happens when this shit goes down.

Oh, but anyway, cinemastrology is completely tromping Scientology which is why Cruise is so mad. You just watch. He’s gonna say something soon about how “evil” cinemastrology is, which’ll be easy to do with all the press he’s gonna get about MI3 and everyone already thinks he’s crazy so they barely pay attention to what he actually says. But he will definitely be saying something against cinemastrology soon.

Well, okay then. I’ll be on the lookout for Tom being particularly bizarre, and if you come across anything that sounds like it could fit the bill, lemme know.



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