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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

TiVo this! can’t-miss geek movies on TV, 08.07-08.13

I scour the skeds so you don’t have to, and point out the best geek highlights of the week in some unexpected places: Turner Classic Movies and The Sundance Channel, which show films uncut and uninterrupted (and sometimes in letterbox). But ya gotta turn to The SciFi Channel once in a while, too, commercials and editing be damned — there’s nothing like geeking out in front of the tube with built-in breaks for munchie refills and snark attacks.

(All times are Eastern. Times between midnight and 5:59am actually refer to the previous date. In other words, 2am Saturday really means the overnight twilight zone between Saturday night and Sunday morning. Links in movie titles go to my review.)
MONDAY 08.07

11:00PM: The Ninth Gate. Johnny Depp versus the forces of Hell. Again.


THURSDAY 08.10

2:00AM: Between Two Worlds. John Garfield, Edmund Gwenn, and Eleanor Parker star in this 1944 fantasy about luxury cruisers on a journey to the afterlife.


FRIDAY 08.11

12:30PM: Bringing Up Baby. Katharine Hepburn gets blinded by scientist Cary Grant. Not literally blinded — Thomas Dolby blinded.


SATURDAY 08.12

11:00AM: Sabretooth. Bad science-run-amuck monster flick with hot-hot-hot Lost star Josh Holloway. Pre-Lost, obviously.

3:00PM: Mansquito. I will never get tired of saying “Mansquito.” Mansquito. Mansquito. Awesome.


SUNDAY 08.13

10:00AM: Fail Safe. End of the world as we know it, 60s Cold War style.

4:00PM: The Bad News Bears. This 1976 flick was one of the first movies to show off elementary-school-age Generation Xers as the miserable little brats we were.

3:00AM: Battle for the Planet of the Apes. I can’t remember if this is the one with the apes who think they’re morally superior to the hu-mans, or the one with the apes who think they’re morally superior to the hu-mans.

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  • So, are you going to review Talladega Nights, or are you too ashamed at having liked it? ;) A friend of mine, who is a HUGE fan of Ron Burgundy (I found very little about “Anchorman” funny), insisted that this one would be even better. I briefly entertained the question of how many ways one could involve toilet humor in a movie about auto racing… and figured Will Ferrell would be the guy to give us the answer.

  • The ninth gate was a really bad adaptation of a great book. Please don’t Tivo-it.

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