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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the scariest thing about ‘The Wicker Man’

In case you were wondering, it’s nothing to do with the plot or the characters or anything like that. That would be too easy, too boring, too predictable.

No, it’s that apparently the art of human cloning has been perfected, and that the mad scientist who did the deed decided the best way to announce this breakthrough was via the medium of Hollywood movies. How else to explain this:


Kate Beahan, who’s been in a lot of bad movies…


Vera Famiga, who’s been the best thing in a lot of bad movies…

Oh, wait, has anyone actually ever seen these two together?

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