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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (review)

Fantastic Bore

As I write this, there are midnight screenings of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer happening all over the place. I wonder why. I mean, I get the midnight screening thing: I’ve done it. I just don’t get it for this film. Are geeks really that caught up in these characters that they’d haul ass to the multiplex on a school night because they just can’t wait to find out what happens? I mean, after the first Fantastic Four flick, which was like discovering that a roller coaster that looked totally bad-ass actually turned out to be a kiddie ride?
The audience for this new Fantastic Four, perhaps even more so than the first one, is long asleep at midnight, or should be, if they’re going to be peppy for third grade on Friday morning. Seriously, the only person excited about this movie at the promo screening I attended on Thursday night — mere hours before public screenings would begin, which is never a sign of confidence from a Hollywood studio — was the four-year-old sitting behind me, who kept asking his daddy for confirmation that he was grasping the vast intricacies of the plot.

Here’s a hint to the intellectual level of this flick: He was. Because this pre-K kiddie was precisely in the target demographic.

“Wow, that’s really boring,” Johnny “The Human Torch” Storm (Chris Evans: TMNT, Cellular) moans in response to some bit of nonsense about cosmic radiation Reed “Mr. Fantastic” Richards (Ioan Gruffudd: King Arthur, Horatio Hornblower) is prattling on about, and that about sums up Rise of the Silver Surfer. It commits the greatest sin a movie can commit: it is really boring, and feels about 187 times longer than its actual running time of 90 minutes. The planet — the fate of the whole planet Earth! — is at stake here, and no one seems to care overly much. See, it’s interfering with the wedding plans of Reed and Sue “The Invisible Woman” Storm (Jessica Alba: Into the Blue, Sin City): he, at least, devotes a modicum of concern for the entire fucking planet, but she’s just turning into a whiny bitch, as if the Silver Surfer, herald of Galactus (and try saying that without giggling), chose this moment in particular to arrive from the farthest reaches of distant outer space to prepare the Earth for devouring by the, yup, Devourer of Planets specifically to ruin her wedding. She can’t pick out china patterns for the reception because giant 200-meter-wide craters are mysteriously appearing all over the planet, along with that weird cosmic radiation. Folk, presumably, are dying and all, and even if they aren’t this cannot be good, for reasons other than that it’s interrupting Reed’s bachelor party.

These people are the worst superheroes ever. “What the hell is wrong with you people?” demands the army general (Andre Braugher: Poseidon, Soldier’s Girl) who is lumbered with the unfortunate task of trying to herd the “Fantastic” Four into doing something, anything to help save the planet from utter destruction. No answer is proffered.

It’s all like a Saturday morning cartoon, and I don’t mean the Saturday morning cartoons of that brief moment when genius flowered in the early 90s, when it was all Animaniacs and Batman and grim and ironic stuff. I mean the rest of the continuum of Saturday morning cartoons: dumb and tedious and puny and petty and idiotic and wrapped up so tightly in its own acquiescence of its own irrelevance that even the end of all life on Earth can be no big deal — cuz, c’mon, everything’s gonna be cool by the end of the episode, right? Don’t get your spandex in a bunch, dude. It’s so pointless and inconsequential that the “jokes” about torture and human rights are not even worth complaining about. And the blatant and obnoxious product placement? All part of the plan.

If I got this movie as the junk prize in a Happy Meal, I might be okay with that. But as, you know, Our Feature Presentation? Not so much.

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MPAA: rated PG for sequences of action violence, some mild language and innuendo

viewed at a semipublic screening with an audience of critics and ordinary moviegoers

official site | IMDb
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  • Sean Riley

    One of the odd things is? The idea of them being the worst superheroes ever is not entirely off base with the original comics. Comics scribe Warren Ellis noted that the Fantastic Four are /horrible people/. Think of the amazing technology Mr. Fantastic can create. He’s an unbelievable inventor, who can create (as an example) space cars. Just drive it up off the ground and then into space.

    Does he publicize the information, allowing companies worldwide to make cheap, effective transportation worldwide? Does he at least sell off the rights so the rest of us can have it? Nope. He takes his family on joyrides to the moon, but the rest of us get none of it. They’re jerks.

    It’s no surprise that when Ellis wrote his superhero pastiche/exploration piece “Planetary”, he chose the Fantastic Four as his model for the villains of the story. They’re contemptible.

  • Hipslack

    Sacrifice. Ultimate sacrifice. This film deals with the heaviest of ideals and is the most meaningful of many films of late. If this film is for the youth, as most people have reviewed it to be, then perhaps we can have hope in the future that we may all survive. If we all flew in the qualities suggested by this story, perhaps the world would revive from turmoil.

    My response to the people who don’t get this film would be summed up by the Surfer himself, (Stan Lee) “Again you would destroy that which you do not comprehend” -The Power and the Prize, The Silver Surfer #3, December, 1968

  • skaldicpoet9

    The thing that most people tend to miss not get about these movies (especially critics) is the fact that of course these movies are cheesy, watered down, illogical and often times badly scripted and casted. Now most times that would make for a horrible movie. But in the case of superhero flicks, I myslelf am merely enojying the ride. I love the adventure, even if the acting and story is cheesy. I mean c’mon we are talking about people who can light themselves on fire and want to use those abilities for saving the world (which is delightedly ironic in our little capitalist haven). These are movies that are blunt, big and dumb and unapologetic for it. Are we expecting some sort of post-modern artsy, existenialist, melo-drama, that spins these characters as veritable gods and trys to paint a colorful tapestry of philosophical insights? No, of course not, we came to be entertained. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want a movie like that it just means that I have accepted the fact that the possibility of that is not realistic. Me? I’ll just sit back and enjoy the show.

  • MaryAnn

    But in the case of superhero flicks, I myslelf am merely enojying the ride.

    Anyone who has read more than one of my reviews knows that I love a good movie ride, too. This isn’t one of them.

  • MaryAnn

    One of the odd things is? The idea of them being the worst superheroes ever is not entirely off base with the original comics.

    Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t realize they’re the worst superheroes ever.

  • MaryAnn

    Sacrifice. Ultimate sacrifice. This film deals with the heaviest of ideals and is the most meaningful of many films of late.

    Have you SEEN the film yet? Cuz it doesn’t and it isn’t. It takes more than having a character mouth some words about a subject for a film to be, you know, ABOUT that.

  • MaryAnn

    My response to the people who don’t get this film would be summed up by the Surfer himself, (Stan Lee) “Again you would destroy that which you do not comprehend” -The Power and the Prize, The Silver Surfer #3, December, 1968

    Bwahahahaha! Right! Cuz I am “destroying” this movie with my review!

    If only critics held such power! I wouldn’t waste it on a dustbunny like this movie.

  • Midnight screening: $11
    Six cups of triple espresso: $24
    Shit-hammering the cold opener before the first papers hit the stands: priceless.

    :)

  • Vomiting Clown

    The first one bored the *shit* out of me, and had some of the most egregious, shameless product placement I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m avoiding this one like an Ebola Kissogram.

  • Andrew

    Any person that does not have Godfather in her top 100 has no right to review movies and think that their opinion actually matters. Yet another example of critics having no understanding of what they are talking about. Like the old saying, “Those that cannot do, critique.”

  • OMGImAComicFanboyLOL

    Andrew: You do realize that you just critiqued a critc, right? So according to you, that means you’re lower on the food chain than MaryAnn.

    I actually am a comic book fanboy (although not as pretensously idiotic as Hipslack) and I’ve been waiting for a superhero movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously (like Batman, Spider-Man, the Hulk and Superman did to a certain extent), but there’s a differance between being fun and just being badly written garbage. Which is exactly what the Fantastic Four movies are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the tiniest bit of quality and supporting films that you know are awful just begets more cinematic dog turds.

    Movies that are so bad they’re good are exempt of course.

    MaryAnn: Enjoy the site, even though I disagree with your opinions a majority of the time.

  • OMGImAComicFanboyLOL

    Damn, I mispelled pretentiously.

  • You misspelled “critic”, too. :-)

    I don’t know why I had high hopes for this movie. Just from the trailers, where the Silver Surfer flies through solid objects, I had the question: How can anyone possibly fight him if he can turn intangible at will? And Galactus… the “guy” (if you can call him that) CONSUMES PLANETS. How can anyone possibly fight that? It seems like trying to fight off the Death Star with a squardon of Spitfires…

    So it could still be fun to watch if you can completely suspend your disbelief… but most of the reviews I’ve seen have slapped it around pretty hard. Not sure if I will still go see it, now.

  • Cthulhu

    Personally I’m not a fan of the Four – they’re just to insular and anal for my liking.

    Although I liked the Galactus interpretation – I bet there are folks who are screaming that it’s more like Gah Lak Tus of the Ultimate Marvel strand than the traditional interpretation of him.

    I’ll wait for it to turn up on DVD…when it’s cheap…as an afterthought for a birthday present from Mrs Cthulhu…

    :-)

  • And now I see that I freaking misspelled “squadron”. Gah. Wish I could edit my previous post. ;-)

  • Cthulhu

    Could have been worse I guess…

    :-)

  • Shadowen

    In light of all that’s wrong with the movie, is it weird of me that I am stuck on the fact that they had Jessica Alba wear disturbingly blue contacts in this movie? I mean, the character is supposed to be blue-eyed, and Alba herself has kept her hair blond for some time. But she didn’t have blue eyes in the last movie.

    I dunno. Maybe I’m being too sensitive, but it seems subtly racist to cast someone for her beauty and name recognition and then change her appearance to more closely match that of the character’s base in such a way. This isn’t like putting pointed ears on Cate Blanchett or lekku on Femi Taylor; it’s deliberately trying to make someone appear as though she has a different ethnic background.

    It reminds me of that tropical skittles commercial where they gave an Indian man a Jamaican accent. Not impossible if he emigrated to Jamaica as a child, but for a 30-second commercial I think they were just looking for a guy who had dark skin.

    Or is my hypersensitivty to such issues itself racist? Comics have never been known for racial sensitivity, even if they have been politically progressive in recent years. Luke Cage, one of Marvel’s first black heroes was like Shaft with superpowers. Storm, despite her African ancestry, had white hair, blue eyes, and “white” facial structure (though this is supposedly part of an ancestral mutation that marks her as coming from a long line of mutants, it is worrying that the next stage of human evolution makes people have Aryan features except for the color of their skin), and only recently–in light of her getting married to an African superhero (with the…interesting name of Black Panther)–has the art depicted with her “black” features aside from her skin tone. Magneto had white hair at least from his twenties onward (though this is possibly due to the stress of the Holocaust when he was a child) and is often depicted with blue eyes despite being Jewish. And that’s just three examples from Marvel.

    In Wildstorm, Swift is an Asian heroine, a vegetarian Buddhist, and was at one time a pacifist. Rainmaker is like a Native American Storm (Of course! Give the redskin nature powers!). Jenny Quantum, though born to an Asian mother, has distinctly European features.

    Although Marvel and DC are more racially progressive than Star Trek: DS9 would be if it had aired unchanged in the ’60s in place of the original series when you compare them to DC, where the only major heroes and heroines that aren’t white are aliens (and the biggest, Superman, is somehow both) or technically a separate species from human (though they still, of course, look white). Consider the JLA, usually considered the most powerful team on Earth. Though their roster changes, the “ideal” version is usually composed of: Superman (alien, Caucasian skin and features), Batman (white male), Wonder Woman (white female), Flash (white male), Aquaman (Atlantean male, blonde and blue-eyed), Green Arrow (white male), Black Canary (white female), Atom (whtie male), Green Lantern (varies, currently white male), Hawkman (white male, I think), Hawkwoman (…complicated), Martian Manhunter (Martian male), and Captain Marvel (white male).

    In short…

    …what the hell was I talking about again?

    Oh, right. Yeah, comic books can be pretty disturbing when you look more closely.

  • Sean Riley

    The Filosopher Said:

    “Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t realize they’re the worst superheroes ever.”

    Having not had to see either of them (mercifully) I’m not trying to defend the film. I’m merely noting the irony here.

  • MBI

    I think the worst sin this movie commits is that it doesn’t get any worse as it goes along, like Batman and Robin. No, it stays on a flat level of bad for the entire running time, which is what makes it that boring.

    Candidates for my favorite scene of the movie:

    The six-foot-tall talking rock man scoffs at the idea of a flying silver alien.

    The military, in the midst of torturing the Surfer (and how would you even do that, I wonder), decide to all leave simultaneously. All of them, leaving no one there to watch him.

    Reed unveals the Fantasti-Car, and then reveals the Dodge Ram logo on the hood.

  • “Magneto had white hair at least from his twenties onward (though this is possibly due to the stress of the Holocaust when he was a child) and is often depicted with blue eyes despite being Jewish.”

    Magneto’s a Gypsy, not a Jew.

  • MaryAnn

    Any person that does not have Godfather in her top 100 has no right to review movies and think that their opinion actually matters.

    No, see, Andrew is right. MY opinion is bullshit, but HIS opinion is gold. Isn’t it just obvious?

  • MaryAnn

    In light of all that’s wrong with the movie, is it weird of me that I am stuck on the fact that they had Jessica Alba wear disturbingly blue contacts in this movie?

    Matters of racism aside, Alba just looks plain *weird* in this film. She’s a very pretty woman, but she’s simply freakish looking here.

  • MaryAnn

    I think the worst sin this movie commits is that it doesn’t get any worse as it goes along, like Batman and Robin. No, it stays on a flat level of bad for the entire running time, which is what makes it that boring.

    Exactly, MBI. A piece of shit like *Batman and Robin* is way more entertaining than this movie, because it constantly surprises you with how much more awful it’s getting. I’d far rather watch a truly awful movie than one like this, which is deadly dull.

    The military, in the midst of torturing the Surfer (and how would you even do that, I wonder), decide to all leave simultaneously. All of them, leaving no one there to watch him.

    Yeah, I was gonna point out that scene in my review as a particular example not just of the movie’s stupidity but the laziness of its script, and then I thought, It’s just not worth it. :->

  • Ken

    …and only recently–in light of her getting married to an African superhero (with the…interesting name of Black Panther)

    If you mean that it’s interesting he shares his name with the Black Panther organization, the first appearance of the Black Panther in the Fantastic Four preceded the formation of the organization by a few months.

    Of course, it’s curious that so many black characters have the name “Black” in their name (Black Panther, Black Goliath, etc.).

  • Glad other people have noticed Alba’s freakish looks in this film. She’s like a human Barbie doll!

  • Andrew

    Alba looks like one of Hugh Hefners girlfriends, which is not a bad thing unless you hate good looking women.

  • Shadowen

    Magneto’s a Gypsy, not a Jew.

    Nope. Jew. The gypsy thing was just a disguise he used at one time to find his wife, who was a gypsy.

    It’s on Wiki! It must be troooo!

    Of course, it’s curious that so many black characters have the name “Black” in their name (Black Panther, Black Goliath, etc.).

    Black Lightning, Black Vulcan, Black Racer, Black Samson, Blacklight…and then there’s the more-or-less subtle ones. Cloak, of a pair of superheroes named Cloak and Dagger (groan), where Dagger is a blonde white woman with powers over light from a privileged family and Cloak is a black man with powers over shadow. Bling (I shit you not).

    Sometimes you have to wonder what people are smoking.

  • Zoe

    I haven’t seen the movie, nor am I going to thanks to MaryAnn’s review in specific and just the bad reviews in general.

    I wonder if there is an inverse relationship between a movie’s budget/special effects and how good a story it presents.

    In my opinion “Mystery Men” stands out as a fine example of one of the best super-hero films out there. Parody aside, it really stands on it’s own with a ridiculous kind of enthusiasm. And though I don’t know for sure, I imagine that it’s budget was a tenth of what these over-hyped blockbusters are getting.

    All I’m saying is: All you indie film-makers out there: start cranking out some super-hero films with heart and on a shoe-string budget to fill my super-hero loving needs. Especially since Raimi dropped the ball with Spidey 3.

  • MaryAnn

    Alba looks like one of Hugh Hefners girlfriends, which is not a bad thing unless you hate good looking women.

    Those women are plastic Barbie dolls. I can’t believe anyone actually finds them attractive. I find it horribly sad, the amount of bodily mutilation some women will subject themselves to (breast implants, botox, etc) in the quest to achieve some bizarre ideal of attractiveness.

  • Zoe

    I agree. Alba’s a clone. She doesn’t even look good in black and white. Just less…um, saturated.

  • Fuggle

    Sean Riley: “Comics scribe Warren Ellis noted that the Fantastic Four are /horrible people/.”

    Where did he note this?

    It’s not that I disagree with him, I’m just curious to read his arguments.

  • Jim Mann

    I by and large agree with your assessment of the film as not being very good. It was often dull — that despite the fact that one of it’s major problems was that it tried to cram too much into an hour and a half — the Surfer, and Doctor Doom (the insipid movie version of Doom), Reed and Sue’s wedding, and the power-switching nonsens. It was often confused, often rushed, and quite often dumb.

    But I don’t consider these characters the worst superheroes ever. I spent much of the 1960s reading Marvel comics. The Fantastic Four billed itself as “the world’s greatest comic,” and for a period in the mid-sixties, that was indeed true. Ben Grimm ranked beside Peter Parker as the best character Marvel invented.

    And don’t get me started on how the movie ruined Galactus. Or how dumb (and rushed) the ending seemed.

  • “Mystery Men” didn’t strike me as that brilliant a movie, Zoe, but, hey, if it worked for you and MaryAnn…

    As for Ms. Alba…

    Yes, that picture MaryAnn posted of her does make her look kinda like a cross between a female Klingon and the Borg. And doesn’t Cameron Diaz already have a monopoly on the roles for Latina actresses who wish to look like Barbies?

    When the first movie in this series came out, I could not resist quipping on another site that Ms. Alba was apparently following an age-old tradition of Latina actresses downplaying their natural identity to gain success in Hollywood, a tradition espoused by such actresses as Rita Hayworth and Raquel Welch.

    To be fair, that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. After all, they do call it acting, and it’s not like anyone ever accuses nonbrunette actress Winona Ryder of ethnic self-hatred because she chooses to dye her hair black for movie roles.

    But for Ms. Alba, the blonde look just doesn’t work. And since Cameron Diaz and Christina Aguilera have made it quite obvious to the average America that blonde Latinas do exist, wouldn’t it have made more sense to hire someone like that to fill the role of Sue Storm than to hire Ms. Alba? (Okay, any sort of natural blonde would do, but it’s the cynicism behind Ms. Alba’s casting that seems really irritating.)

  • “Magneto …is often depicted with blue eyes despite being Jewish.”

    many western (ashkanazi) jews have blue eyes — Paul Newman, for one. there are blue-eyed arabs, as well.

    there is a certain type of racism that assumes racism in others merely based on the choice of eye, hair or skin tone color. i have 3 cousins, half irish, half italian. one has blue eyes, one has dark brown eyes, one has light brown eyes with green flecks. is it any less racist to assume my dark eyed cousin should be the poster child for an ad featuring italians and his brothers are less so?

    reminds me of people who claim someone isn’t “black enough” or “irish enough”
    or “jewish enough.” especially ridiculous when we’re talking about fictional characters. i always understood that comic book characters are supposed to be the representatives of the new mythology.

  • Stephanie P

    Ouch. Sounds like a painful movie to sit through. But it can’t be that much of a surprise. I mean, the comic it’s based on is so incredibly lame. I mean…a guy who stretches? Who the F**K thought that’d be compelling movie fodder? If that were my superpower I could…I dunno…go to the Olympics and take the gold in gynastics. Maybe I could teach extreme yoga. Maybe I could get a job with Jackass and lick myself in inappropriate places.

  • Gloria

    Also, since when is religion tied to racial appearance? Is it not possible for one — of any race — to convert to Judaism?

    This talk of “looking Jewish” just throws us back to the 19th century when scholars were obsessed with documenting the “Jewish identity.”

    But, I can see why the lack of diverse looks is disturbing … it’s one thing to try to break out of stereotypical appearances, but also another to impose one single look (e.g. Aryan) for everyone.

  • Fuggle

    “Also, since when is religion tied to racial appearance?”

    I think that they’re talking about Magneto as a Jew-The-Ethnicity, not as a Jew-The-Religion.

    Semantics fails. :(

  • MaryAnn

    Magneto as a Jew-The-Ethnicity

    Jewishness is not an ethnicity. There are Jewish people of all ethnicities. Hell, in my Irish background are Briscoes, who are Jewish, and probably looked like Gabriel Byrne.

  • Heh. I’m half-Mexican and half-Polish-American and I always thought it was highly ironic how often I was thought to be Italian or Greek but rarely ever Latino. (Perhaps because my brown hair and white skin wasn’t thought to be typical traits for a Hispanic.)

    My favorite Hispanic cousin was once married to a Jewish-American who looked more stereotypically Latino than I do. And my younger sister–who is half-Mexican and half-Polish-American like me–looks about as Latina as actress Kristin Bell. (And no, my Polish-American mother is not a blonde.)

  • Sammy Davis, Jr.

    I’m just sayin’.

  • Robert

    In light of all that’s wrong with the movie, is it weird of me that I am stuck on the fact that they had Jessica Alba wear disturbingly blue contacts in this movie?

    Yes.

    I dunno. Maybe I’m being too sensitive, but it seems subtly racist to cast someone for her beauty and name recognition and then change her appearance to more closely match that of the character’s base in such a way.

    This isn’t like putting pointed ears on Cate Blanchett or lekku on Femi Taylor; it’s deliberately trying to make someone appear as though she has a different ethnic background.

    Given her recent prattling about how “We Mexicans aren’t going anywhere” – apparently in an effort to unring the bell of her previous prattling to distance herself from her Mexican ancestry, I assume because someone has advised her it’s now cool for Hispanics to be belligerently pro-illegal immigration – seems she shouldn’t have had a problem turning down the big fat paycheck if she felt playing the blond, blue-eyed sister of a blond guy who’s obviously a gringo was “betraying her heritage”.

    Or is my hypersensitivty to such issues itself racist?

    Dunno if it’s racist, but it’s certainly hypersensitive.

    Comics have never been known for racial sensitivity, even if they have been politically progressive in recent years. …Storm, despite her African ancestry, had …”white” facial structure

    So do Halle Berry, Diahann Carroll, Lena Horne, Aisha Tyler and any number of “black” actresses who either naturally possess or have their features altered in that direction. As with any number of characters you mention who have origins from decades ago and therefore in the particular climate of the day, it has to do with what’s marketable.

    Hey what about the Silver Surfer. He’s…silver. (And voiced by a mixed-race actor who’s typically classified as black)

  • Robert

    If you had liked this film, I was going to delete FF from my favorites.

    I’m not familiar with Ioan Gruffudd – besides the improbable name (is it pronounced EE-Uhn? EE-Yone?)and ludicrous gray-temple dye job – or is it a cheap wig? – this guy is a PATHETIC actor. Or at least horribly miscast in this part. Yeah, the script isn’t great but neither are the Star Wars scripts – yet the true pro’s such as McGregor and Guinness made their lines work.

    People whine about Jessica Alba’s ethnic issues in this flick, I’d be happy if she took a drama class or two, being world-class eye candy isn’t enough.

    Michael Chiklis at least basically fits the part he’s cast for but that rubber suit is a complete, hokey failure. Chris Evans is perfect to play a vaccuous pretty boy. I strongly suspect there’s not a lot of Shakespeare on his resume.

    Yep, the comparison to crappy Sat. morning tv is quite apt.

  • MaryAnn

    I’m not familiar with Ioan Gruffudd – besides the improbable name (is it pronounced EE-Uhn? EE-Yone?)and ludicrous gray-temple dye job – or is it a cheap wig? – this guy is a PATHETIC actor.

    His name is pronounced YO-an GRIFF-ith, and he’s actually quite a good actor. But this material would flummox Kenneth Branagh.

  • MaryAnn

    Dunno if it’s racist, but it’s certainly hypersensitive.

    You’re not making sense here, Robert. You say “This isn’t like putting pointed ears on Cate Blanchett or lekku on Femi Taylor; it’s deliberately trying to make someone appear as though she has a different ethnic background,” which certainly sounds like you agree with the original commenter. But then you say that commenter is being “hypersensitive”?

  • Robert

    His name is pronounced YO-an GRIFF-ith, and he’s actually quite a good actor. But this material would flummox Kenneth Branagh.

    Though we’ve gone ’round on a sucks/doesn’t suck debate before –

    wait, sneeze coming on —

    aaah…aaah…..*HAYdenchristensen*….

    {kleenex}

    ‘Scuze me..

    Anyway… ;-)

    I know you’ve got your reasons for saying so, and find myself agreeing with you frequently enough that I’ll reserve final judgement until seeing him in something a bit meatier.

    Dunno if it’s racist, but it’s certainly hypersensitive.

    You’re not making sense here, Robert. You say “This isn’t like putting pointed ears on Cate Blanchett or lekku on Femi Taylor; it’s deliberately trying to make someone appear as though she has a different ethnic background,” which certainly sounds like you agree with the original commenter. But then you say that commenter is being “hypersensitive”?

    Ah..well…to clear up the confusion, despite a couple of stabs of the preview button, and though at one point I swear it was all neat and tidy, sometime before I hit the post button during some final editing I managed to mess up putting the aforementioned statement – which you’ll find is actually by Cthulhu who I was responding to – within the blockquote command. And since a particular red-haired daughter of the Vikings hasn’t deigned to include an edit function for correction after the fact, there my clumsy error is for all time or until your server crashes.

    …unless of course the omnipotent goddess of the website would care to fix it…

    Perhaps if I burned some incense…slaughtered a goat or somesuch?

    :-)

  • Robert

    Btw…

    His name is pronounced YO-an GRIFF-ith

    Griffith? Like the way Ralph Fiennes pronounces it “Rafe” or Brett Favre pronounces the R before the V in defiance of logical phonetic order…

    Rafe and Alice Kramden?

    or

    “It’s the Andy Gruffudd Show!”

    -cue whistling theme music-

    ;-)

  • MaryAnn

    And since a particular red-haired daughter of the Vikings hasn’t deigned to include an edit function for correction after the fact, there my clumsy error is for all time or until your server crashes.

    Blame Movable Type, not me. I’ve got enough things on my plate already without adding “web developer” to the list of things I’ve got to do.

    Griffith? Like the way Ralph Fiennes pronounces it “Rafe”

    Maybe like how some actors refuse to Americanize their names for Hollywood.

    Ioan Gruffudd is Welsh, and proud of it, it seems. Good for him.

  • Aaron Pound

    Magneto isn’t supposed to be jewish in any event. He is a gypsy.

  • Matt

    My second comment today, must be a slow day at work. I don’t know about your scathing critic of this movie. It certainly was 10X better that the first mind dump. Not saying that this one is great, but at least it improved which is more than I can say for many other comic book movie sequels. The dialogue is often over the top when it isn’t lobotomizing itself, but it is a comic book for Christ sake. It’s like asking the Tomb Raider movies not to look so much like a video game (and how come the Ever adopting one gets a free pass on these POS flicks?) You can only improve of the source by so much without completely straying away from it. The fight scenes were decent, and the characters developed as much as they could with a the amount of them and the time allotted.

    Fuck it, I can’t defend this movie much more. Jessica Alba is hot and has proven once again she can not act her way out of a paper bag. At this rate she will go the Heather Graham route and save her career for few more years by going topless in a few movies. Mr. Fantastic’s true power is that he is a genius, and as wonderful as the power to extend one’s body parts (I am Irish I could use the help) would be it just doesn’t translate well onto screen or paper. They need to have the Thing be comfortable with being rock covered or not, I can’t take anymore more of the oh is me I am invulnerable and at what price? And the nauseating product placement on the ship at the end, almost completely lost me. Dodge indeed. Fine, it wasn’t a great movie, but I enjoyed none the less. As a comic book fan, it took the campy FF stories and this one did them decent justice.

  • MaryAnn

    The dialogue is often over the top when it isn’t lobotomizing itself, but it is a comic book for Christ sake.

    And that’s how the producers of this kind of junk keep getting away with it: they know that audiences will show up no matter how terrible it is.

    Jessica Alba is hot

    She’s very cute, if weird looking in this movie, but even that can only take a geek so far. I’m MADLY in love with Ioan Gruffudd, and even that wasn’t enough for me here.

  • Dave

    Magneto has been “officially” Jewish in the comics since about the 1990s, and always Jewish in the movies.

    And there are plenty of 100% Jews who have blue eyes. It’s not that rare.

  • bitchen frizzy

    –“Magneto has been “officially” Jewish in the comics since about the 1990s, and always Jewish in the movies.”

    Just asking, out of geek attention to detail, where was this established in the movies? I don’t remember it being explicitly mentioned.

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