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since 1997 | by maryann johanson

hilarious: MySpacer hates me, won’t say why

Gotta love the MySpace generation.

A 21-year-old male who goes by the unlikely nom de MySpace of “thedeadlyrhythm” doesn’t like my review of the new Kevin Bacon revenge wet dream Death Sentence. Thedeadlyrhythm won’t say what’s wrong with it. Apparently, it’s just bad. He writes:

Apologies to my friends for not going with them today to see this movie, but as I was looking up reviews for it I came across a curious lady by the name of MaryAnn Johanson. MaryAnn Johanson does not understand what it means to review a movie. I will not go into the details at this moment of why she does not possess the necessary skills needed to review a movie, mainly because I’m tired but partly because I really don’t care all that much about all of this. With that said, here is her professional (at least she considers herself a professional) review of the Movie Death Sentence:

Then he reposts my entire review. Without linking back to it, which is just plain rude. (Fortunately, he did include the several Amazon affiliate links incorporated into the review itself. Click on those, MySpacers. Click away.) I will not go into the details at this moment of why thedeadlyrhythm does not impress me with his reasoning, mainly because I’m tired but partly because I really don’t care all that much about all of this.

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  • Richard Gazley

    Wait, he claims that he couldn’t go see the movie with his friends *because* of the review, and then states that you don’t know how to write reviews.
    This guy sounds like an exemplar of imbecility…

  • amanohyo

    Never fear, I have faith that he will one day demonstrate his skills and explain exactly why you don’t understand what it means to review a movie. Just to be safe, you’d better delete all those old reviews that were done the wrong way.

    P.S. I’m not positive, but I think “curious lady” is a compliment for the MySpace generation. At least, it sounds like a compliment.

  • I’m with amanohyo on the “curious lady” comment. Stalker in the making?

    In any case, one of the more delightful aspects of being a film critic is having to endure a fair amount of vitriol from people who claim that you have no idea how to review movies. Said justification for why you have no idea how to review movies usually comes down to some variation of: “you don’t agree with me in minute detail on each and every movie I have ever seen and therefore your opinions are completely without merit.” Which falls under the larger societal problem of too many people listening solely to what they want to hear instead of entertaining (and even, God help us, *respecting*) opinions which differ from their own.

    I’m sure you’re losing countless hours of sleep over this M-A, so in an effort to promote groupthink and stifle incorrect opinion-formulating, I would be happy to provide you with a detailed report of every instance where your opinions differ from mine in even the slightest possible way. That should solve the problem nicely.

    No need to thank me. I’m a giver. ;)

  • Shadowen

    “I will not go into the details at this moment of why thedeadlyrhythm does not impress me with his reasoning…”

    Because he didn’t display any? No, really. He didn’t say anything about why.

    There. I saved you a post. :p

  • misterb

    MaryAnn,

    Remember that having haters is a sign that you’ve made it in the web generation. Your opinions must not be controversial enough because this guy could spell and create actual English sentences. You’ll be really successful when most of your comments are seemingly random collections of letters and numbers.

  • MaryAnn

    I had a guy tell me by email the other day he sincerely wishes I had died in the Twin Towers. Why? Because I disagree with him about John Carpenter’s *Halloween.*

    I bet thedeadlyrhythm wishes he’d thought of that first.

  • Eric

    Allow me to share
    the John Gabriel Greater Internet Dickwad theory, as posited by the guys at penny-arcade.com

    Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Dickwad

    It’s why someone would wish you to die in the twin towers over a moview review (even in jest), but could never imagine saying that face to face.

  • “I had a guy tell me by email the other day he sincerely wishes I had died in the Twin Towers.”

    Try bad-mouthing Joss Whedon sometime. Those browncoats are *mean*…

  • Drave

    Personally, as a browncoat, I don’t care what people say about Joss Whedon. I’m more likely to get riled up about people bad-mouthing other browncoats! Of course, I realize that there are insecure, vitriolic people in every demographic who react violently to differing opinions. If someone tries to convince me that Whedon sucks, in a way that is honest and not deliberately inflammatory, I am likely to treat that opinion with respect. Then again, I’ve never understood the three way feud going on between the fans of Farscape, Babylon 5, and Firefly. I don’t understand why it’s inconceivable that somebody could have equal admiration for all three shows.

  • I don’t know about those fandoms, but that’s a pretty common phenomenon. I imagine it has something to do with how competition is glorified in our culture. Nothing is really worthwhile unless it can be better than someone else. It makes me sick to see kids competing for the best grades in the class, as though it’s not enough to simply be good on your own terms (and the teachers are often part of the problem, though they are in turn motivated by top-down mandates to get the best test scores). Likewise, everyone loves to say that America is the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t see the need for that. I think it’s fine to say that our country is a good country, and that we’re best at some things and there are some things we can improve on. If you do that, though, you’re not a real patriot.

  • I never understood the “Star Wars” vs. “Star Trek” thing myself.

  • MaryAnn

    SF fans tend to be really smart, but even a lot of the really smart ones can be really stupid, too.

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