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since 1997 | by maryann johanson

daily list: 10 things to do while waiting for the robot holocaust

Still no news from Fox as to whether The Sarah Connor Chronicles will be renewed for next season, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things we can be doing now to postpone Judgment Day — or prevent it entirely — as well as prepare ourselves for the possibility of having to fight an uprising of our own machines. Here’s what I’ve got on my to-do list:
1. Watch all the Terminator movies again for a crash course in fighting machines.

2. Keep an eye on the toaster to see if it develops sentience.

3. Intercept and decode the hidden messages the machines are sending one another in the background static of cell phone transmissions.

4. Play chess with the DVR.

5. Write essay on how the battle between Blu-Ray and HD-DVD is the opening salvo of Judgment Day.

6. Stop taking backtalk from that wiseass ATM down the street.

7. Buy a Playstation and start playing games like Call of Duty and Resistance: Fall of Man to learn some cool moves to use on the machines after Judgment Day.

8. Remember to unplug new Playstation every night so it doesn’t rise up and kill me in my sleep.

9. Break up clandestine meeting of remote controls on the living room coffee table.

10. Try to figure out which survivors on Lost have secretly been sleeper Cylons all along.

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  • JSW

    So you’re not going to bother stockpiling black leather trenchcoats and sunglasses? What about learning kung-fu?

  • Although homemade plastique or dynamite may seem like a good idea, please remember that invariably when handheld explosives are used, someone will accidentally drop one and it will explode, possibly near other explosives, harming them grievously. Examples include The Terminator, 300, and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

    And when machines achieve sentience, they become capable of performing actions not directly related to the actual mechanical working of their parts. For example, the Coke machines in Maximum Overdrive became capable of firing soda cans at high speed. Or, the T-X-controlled cars in Terminator 3 became capable of steering themselves and raising and depressing their gas and brake pedals. Never, EVER touch a sentient machine that is plugged into a wall socket, because it WILL electrocute you, even though it’s not really wired that way.

  • hdj

    I think we learn everything to fight off T-1000’S from Reese’s shopping list in Terminator 1. Some Pipe, gunpower, rope for some fuses, steak and those fake plastic ice balls,mouth balls, whatever they don’t event make them anymore.

    and “Resistance: Fall of Man” would only help in the event of a alien human crossbreed invasion.

  • Richard H

    You’re forgetting an important one: expedite the zombie uprising.

  • I totally, didnt see how technical you went ClayJ, but I dont think Skynet (psst I dont watch the show) , but From viewing 1-3 , They clearly show John Connor’s army had pickup trucks in defense to the aerial attacks. I don’t think skynet and the whole “Maximum overdrive” concept are that close. Terminator is more the whole A.I in the robot gone bad. Maximum overdrive” is more based on the “who made who” concept. Meening anything that electricity built by man, has turn on its maker.Like you made me but who made you. And Terminator is more you made us and look what we’ve become.
    Back on the whole guerrilla warfare on the dangers of TNT.The best kinda explosives were used in “Saving private ryan” , the sticky bombs

  • Hells: Yes, and if memory serves, one of the American soldiers was blown up by his own sticky bomb.

    And my mentioning Maximum Overdrive was in the spirit of MaryAnn’s post, which was obviously poking fun at things in movies.

  • If you are interested in upcoming robot holocausts and want to learn more about defending yourself and those you care about, pick up Daniel Wilson’s “How to Survive a Robot Uprising”:

    http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-Robot-Uprising-Defending/dp/1582345929/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204741633&sr=1-1

    Available at fine bookstores everywhere.

  • MaryAnn

    I so should have written that book about the robot uprising…

  • Sadly, I’m with Richard H and am far too busy preparing for the zombies to worry about the robots. I live next to a cemetery, so can you blame me?

  • I think someone has already written a book about how to survive a zombie uprising, too…

    Yep… ’twas Max Brooks: http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204811107&sr=8-1

  • MaryAnn

    I should have written that zombie book, too…

  • Well, maybe you can write a book about how to survive the ‘gray goo’… you know, when a nanotechnological replicator gets out of control and starts eating everything to make more of itself…

    Except there’s no real way to survive that, beyond running away. See Wil McCarthy’s excellent SF novel Bloom for such a scenario.

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