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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

daily list: 5 Will Ferrell sports movies that would have flopped worse than ‘Semi-Pro’

So, Semi-Pro won the weekend box office race, but it can only be considered a flop, with receipts way down from Ferrell flicks like Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights. The real story is a lot worse than we know, though. As idiotic as Semi-Pro is and as poorly as it performed this weekend, things could have been even more dire for Ferrell and the sports-comedy subgenre he appears to own at the moment. These are the concepts that were rejected by New Line before it gave the greenlight to the “goofy ABA basketball coach” idea:
1. Hang! The True Legend of Desmond “Hang” Barnett. The producers of Wild Hogs bring us the wacky but true (not really!) story of Olympic hang glider Hang Barnett (Ferrell), who in the summer of 1968 not ony took home the gold in the freestyle category at the Prague Games but also inspired a revolution in the Iron Curtain country with his all-American spirit!

2. Got Your Back. He was a myth of the dog-eat-dog backgammon circuit: Chet “Monster” Phillips (Ferrell), who slung his dice like the unbeatable madman he was. But no one had seen or heard from him in decades, until now, when the World Backgammon Association dared to announce the return of the fabled Golden Checker trophy. Now, he’ll come out of his secretive retirement to take on all comers for the prize. Also starring Ben Stiller as The Ref.

3. Shuttlecock! Hank “Bad” Mittleton (Ferrell) was the world’s top badminton player until a tragic hedge-trimming accident left him crippled… in body and soul. But when he is asked to judge the World Badminton Federation Invitational, the can-do attitude of one “special” young player (Justin Long) inspires him to compete himself. Can he regain his strength, both inner and outer, in time for the competition? With Martin Lawrence as The Coach.

4. Plate Tectonics. Will Ferrell stars in a hilarious double role as the wannabe Danish discus champion Dick “Discus” Haroldsen and as Haroldsen’s mother, Mrs. Haroldsen, who never understood where all her dinner plates were disappearing to. An outrageous domestic sports comedy from the minds of the writers of Daddy Day Camp.

5. Ball Boy. Mike “Balls” Tanaka (Ferrell) always wanted to be a baseball player, but the closest he could ever get was collecting balls from the outfield after the senior team practice at George Washington High… which he’s still doing, 20 years later, as the school’s second assistant coach. But now the World Series is coming to town, and Balls has a plan to get himself seen…

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  • Grant


    If Balls of Fury can get a green light, then some studio would totally make all these.

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