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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

the dumbest DVD I’ve ever come across

I chose to highlight the Leo one because I’m a Leo, and I’d like to imagine that the workout consists entirely of a bit of a luxurious feline-esque stretching followed by a long nap.

But hey, there’s an Astrology Workout for your sign too!

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  • What about the Lots n Lots of Trains DVD?


    I saw a commercial for this last night. So, it’s, like, video of trains. The commercial called them “tapes” as well, so you know the quality on this deal has gotta be up there.

  • MaryAnn

    Train porn!

  • Ryan

    A culture in which Nascar and the WWF are actually popular institutions is capable of pretty much anything =P

  • So, as an Aquarian, will I just not get the same impact from, say, the Pisces workout?

  • dgrhm

    On the surface that seems pretty dumb, but someone’s going to make money off of that when you consider how many people think astrology is true in the US. Wish I would have thought of it first. :)

  • amanohyo

    I hate to reinforce gender stereotypes, but I know two kids (8-10 yo) in my family who would gladly watch train and truck porn from dawn to dusk.

    Weirdos. I had a helicopter fetish when I was their age like all real men should. Mmmmmm… I could watch those rotors spin aaall day long.

    On a less creepy note, if they were serious about this series, they would hire a different trainer for each workout. Do they expect me to believe that a Pisces is capable of correctly demonstrating a Leo exercise? Not bloody likely.

  • Charisse

    Understand that all of us are somehow connected. I’ve just used the stars as the medium. Your sun sign Leo already tells me many things about you. Thats what this work out is all about. It is a personalized approach to fitness. I’ve worked with thousands of people and truly have witnessed that we all are motivated differently. Not everyone is motivated to do Pilates, Yoga or Tae BO.
    You as a Leo have a BIG heart…you are tied to your emotions and are quite dramatic. Thus, your headline…
    that this is the dumbest workout you’ve ever come across.
    be careful of what you say….I already know that you are a fire sign and besides your heart your spine is a very special and sensitive area of your body. I’ve created and exercise body part combo for YOU called Leo’s Lunar Lumbar mix. Have I peeked your interest? Check us out…youtube.com..search astrology workout…for a sneak preview…and that’s not all…..Astrology is just part of the picture….I also need to know your body type…..both elements create a unique and revolutionary approach to fitness for the masses.
    I think you will be impressed. 12 interactive DVDs based on your sun sign and body type.
    Respectfully yours, Charisse

  • Charisse

    Hey, 12 unique DVDs based on your Astrological sign and Body Type. So to answer your question.NO! You are unique and will benefit by doing the Aquarius workout. As an Aquarian you are an Air sign. Already this tells me so much about you. Your key phrase in life is “I know” ..the body part ruled by your sign is your ankles and lower legs. I need to know your body type to complete the physicality of this program. Pisces is a water sign ruled by the feet. Truly, it’s a unique concept based on ancient information. None of us are the same or motivated to move in the same way. Astrology just helps us out with this information. This program combines the meta physical with the physical in a unique formula for the masses. Each workout DVD is different on many levels….It’s interactive….You choose your own body type…the visuals are amazing …….your own body part combination,and even your own sign’s meditation to complete the workout.
    Check us out youtube.com search astrology workout for a sneak preview.
    let me hear from you, Charisse

  • Charisse

    Hi there…how do you know that we didn’t hire an instructor for each sign? I would suggest you dive in more deeply to combat your curiousity.
    I am a Libra and search out balance and harmony in all my endeavors. You will find that this workout is all about truth. I used Astrology as the ancient method of gathering information and someone’s body type for the realistic approach to goal setting.
    I used real people and all the students in the video are the body types of which they exhibit.
    My goal is to create awareness and motivation. I am the messenger delivering the information. It is up to the student to take this to the next level. I suggest that people need to be drawn to do a particular workout to obtain long tern success. Pilates and Yoga are not for everyone. Maybe this might just help those who have not found there niche in the fitness arena.
    Check out a sneak preview…..youtube.com search astrology workout
    Respectfully, Charisse

  • amanohyo

    If you are… real Charisse, I actually do respect the fact that you and your associates put this project together. I apologize for doubting your knowledge of the stars. But trust me, it would be an understatement to say that this is not exactly the best place to peddle astrology.

    If you really want to get a lot of positive buzz for your product, you might have to rip a few pages from Robert Stanek’s book and spam Amazon and popular exercise message boards using fake accounts. Hopefully, you’re above that kind of sneaky self-promotion, but many big publishers do it on the sly now, and it works pretty well for them.

    Oh, and maybe you should offer a free DVD to MaryAnn. I doubt she wants it, but she might know someone who would be willing to try it out and write up a review… or not. She could at least give it away in a contest. She’s a veeeery powerful player in the entertainment biz.

    Oh, and if you did hire different instructors, you should put their pictures on each DVD. People love to be given the ability to choose between many superficially different but fundamentally identical products (just go to an American supermarket). Right now, it looks like you have the same woman on every package. The primary appeal of astrology is the illusion of having something specially made for you and not for others. You’re sacrificing that by going with identical art (unless it’s just a placeholder). Good Luck! (Is it appropriate to say that?)

  • MaryAnn

    Astrology just helps us out with this information.

    My tea leaves just told me that astrology is bunk.

    Then again, the invisible unicorn who read them thinks the tea leaves are full of shit.

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