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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

dream cast: hypothetical ‘He-Man’ movie

It’s Thursday, so it’s time to remake an 80s classic TV show or movie with an all-new cast. This week: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, the 1983-5 syndicated cartoon series that was among the first seemingly designed to do nothing but move toys off store shelves.

(This topic was suggested by reader Bill. If you have a suggestion for an 80s TV show or movie we should play with, feel free to email me.)
The original characters included:

Prince Adam/He-Man: big dumb muscly guy with “fabulous secret powers” who is “the most powerful man in the universe” (*snort* that’s what they all think)
Teela: Prince Adam’s bodyguard, who’s Lois Lane-dumb enough not to realize that her charge is also He-Man
Orko: weird alien thing is a big hat, like that guy from Fat Albert
Skeletor: the bad guy

I have no opinions whatsoever on recasting this, and in fact I can hardly think of this cartoon without losing myself in giggles. But you guys have fun with it.

By the power of numbskull:

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talent buzz

  • PaulW

    How can a remake ever top the classic Dolph Lungren version?

    Shame on you, Ms. Filosopher. Shame!

    BTW, I’m still waiting for a Plan 9 From Outer Space remake, with Vin Diesel in the Tor role. :)

  • MaSch

    Any Plan 9 remake not taking the basic premise of the movie seriously and trying to make this remake “right” (no police offices scratching their heads with their pistols, no fourth-rate look-not-alike replacing the big name actor) would be doomed to fail. The remake would have to believe in the importance of its message to be acceptable in any way.

    Now for the recast, I would try to make it classy, British, go the other way from the Dolph Lundgren thing:

    Orko: CGI, voiced by Derek Jacobi
    Teela: Keira Knightley
    Skeletor: Ralph Fiennes
    Price Adam/He-Man: I thought of Kenneth Branagh, but he’s too old, or Ewan McGregor, but I want someone with a more sophisticated and less gritty image … Ahh, the perfect actor to cast: Christian Bale.

  • MSch

    Stephen Fry should write the screenplay, Michael Winterbottom should direct it.

    And I bet MaryAnn would not go to watch it even with this cast/crew!

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