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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Playboy: Sexiest Amateur Home Videos, Vol. 3’

Oh, dear:

Every month Playboy TV producers get hundreds of video-taped submissions from girls all over the country hoping for a spot on the Playboy TV show, “Sexy Girls Next Door.” This DVD contains the sexiest home videos, just real girls in their bedrooms, in the shower, in their cars and sometimes in very public places. 10 beautiful girls who love to show off – and show all – for the camera!

It’s like Girls Gone Wild, only much, much sadder.

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  • blake

    Yet another great American DVD I’ll doubt we’ll get here.

    Sarcasm included in the statement above.

    Also, I thought people didn’t bother with porn now that the internet has been invented?

  • sasan

    Ilove fouk your sexyass

  • Brian

    Wow, I didn’t know Borat read this site.

  • Accounting Ninja

    Okay, this is one thing I’ve never gotten. Forgive me if I get a bit graphic, but what the heck is so goddamn titillating about some chick just doing shit naked? This is like a whole genre of porn: naked women, but no hot sex scenes.

    Believe me*, naked men roll my socks up and down, but there comes a point where just seeing an endless parade of them just being naked gets, well, boring. I mean, the sheer number of volumes of Girls Gone Wild, where it’s the SAME THING over and over: titties and vag. Maybe some girl on girl mackin.

    *In fact, anyone who answers this asserting that I, as a woman, am not “visual” can stop right now. I am VERY visual. That is totally a myth, anyway. But I also like creativity. Variety. Eroticism. Naked people are fun to look at for a while, but to keep buying this stuff like fans do? Don’t get it.

  • I shit you not; there are grown men at my workplace who go nuts every time a woman under the age of 40 is on the TV screen. It doesn’t matter what she’s wearing or what the context is. I currently live in an extremely religious city in the northern midwest, so they could just be incredibly repressed. It’s embarrassing though; some of them are practically grandfathers, and they still giggle and gape at pictures of topless women on their cell phones like they’re thirteen. I ask this every time this topic comes up, but didn’t their parents ever take them to a museum? I keep waiting for them to realize the irony of a bunch of elderly, overweight, balding, unattractive men criticizing the appearance and fuckability of attractive, healthy, successful women younger than their daughters, but it hasn’t struck them yet.

    Maybe I’m the crazy one here, but naked people are not automatically sexy; hell, the wretched acting in 95% of porn has made me realize that people having sex are not even automatically sexy. Is it really that difficult to convincingly pretend to enjoy demeaning yourself for money in front of a camera? Do porn stars have no thespian pride? And don’t even get me started on the men. Every time they open their mouths to say something “seductive” and “sexy,” I crack up laughing. Male porn star acting is so bad that it would actually be more convincing if the guy just walked in the room and the two people (or more…or less) started having sex for no reason at all. *sigh* It’s so difficult to find decent porn when you have standards and a functioning imagination.

    Hmmm…that turned into a frustrated rant on porn. Someone should really edit together the non-sex scenes of the goofiest porn movies into MST3K-ish shorts. Guaranteed laugh riot. I have faith that somewhere on this glorious internet, the task is complete; I’m just not willing to wade through oceans of awful porn to find out.

  • Accounting Ninja

    @amanohyo: would it surprise you to know that I’ve never been turned on by a “porno”. I watch them to laugh. They are fucking funny! I can’t get past the cheese. We don’t watch them very often, but occasionally my husband and I like to laugh at some porno.
    Though, a lot of porn is hard to enjoy, as a feminist. It can’t have “rapey” overtones because I just get disgusted.
    I’ve often wondered what’s behind that behavior you describe. Maybe it’s the sheer prevalance of ready-wank material. The Male Gaze is everywhere, and male senses are inundated with sexy ladies pretty much everywhere. Plus men are encouraged to rate women’s bodies among themselves in a derogatory fashion.
    This reminds me of a story: A male friend of mine once confided in me and a few others (men) his worries about his girlfriend. She was insecure, thought she was ugly, was inhibited in sex. He wondered how best to make her realize all her insecurities were “in her head” and she was being ridiculous. I remained quiet, because back then I was not a feminist and did not speak up much.
    Just then, the new Britney Spears video came on, and ALL the guys started literally DROOLING. They had this long convo about her body and what they would like to do to her. I remember being pissed off, but was unable at that time to articulate why.
    I thought, well, no wonder your girlfriend feels insecure. Women have this message given to them all the time (not by all men, mind you. From some men, and the culture, mostly): you’re okay to fuck because I can’t get someone hotter, but rest assured, Britney (or whoever) is WAY hotter than you’ll ever be, no matter how much I “love” you, and I reserve my right to lust over her and then call you oversensitive for noticing that this might be a shitty arrangement for you.

  • I must confess that I’ve always found the whole idea of sex as a spectator sport–as opposed as it being a participatory activity–to be both sad and funny.

    That said, I must confess that the last time I talked to people who admitted to watching pornography on a regular basis, they were female…

  • Orangutan

    you’re okay to fuck because I can’t get someone hotter, but rest assured, Britney (or whoever) is WAY hotter than you’ll ever be, no matter how much I “love” you, and I reserve my right to lust over her and then call you oversensitive for noticing that this might be a shitty arrangement for you.

    This makes me think of the whole ‘List’ thing that I’ve heard of, both from couples I know and in movies/TV. Where the couple in question has a list of celebrities that they’d be allowed to sleep with, if the opportunity arose. The whole notion has always made me feel distinctly uncomfortable for some reason.

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