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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Beer for My Horses’

Vigilante justice… it’s a real blast! Yee-haw, kemosabes! Country music superstar Toby Keith — with such No. 1 hits as “Ain’t Nothin’ More American Than a 12-Miles-to-the-Gallon Pickup” and “Get Your Filthy Liberal Homo Hands Off My Big Hard Gun”! — stars as former convict turned small-town deputy Joe “Jimmy Bob” “Steve” McQueen who’s havin’ a real bad day! His deputy, Jimmy “Joe Bob” “John” Wayne — played by funnyman Hook McCrook, whose latest standup CD Redneck Red State Blues just went platinum! — has just given up drinking beer — again! His old girlfriend, Annie Sweet, has just returned home… only to emasculate him once again by pretendin’ she ain’t all hot for him after all those wimpy metrosexual girly-men in the big city! And a whole passel of swarthy Mexican types are overrunning town, working for cheap at crappy jobs no one else wants to do! What’s a real man to do? Why, patrol town in a gas-guzzling Ford 150 and protect Real America(TM)… and get in a whole heap of manly fun along the way!

(The preceding may not bear any resemblance whatsoever to the actual plot of the actual film, though the actual film is actually called Beer for My Horses. No, seriously.)



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  • MBI

    Toby Keith is a lifelong Democrat and endorsed Obama in this election.

    No, I don’t understand it either.

  • OKLibrarian

    I am embarrassed to admit he lives in my hometown (in fact we went to the same high school, though he was there a few years before me). He did endorse Obama, though that seemed to be part of a larger effort to backpedal from the xenophobic dittohead racism that helped him make a name for himself in the middle bush years.

  • MBI

    “He did endorse Obama, though that seemed to be part of a larger effort to backpedal from the xenophobic dittohead racism that helped him make a name for himself in the middle bush years.”

    No, I don’t think he’s backpedaling from that at all. He’s just part of a weird demographic of pro-Afghanistan, anti-Iraq Democrats. I highly doubt he’s disowned “Beer for My Horses,” a pro-vigilante, pro-lynching song.

  • blake

    Some Americans really scare me.

    We have nutters too except they don’t have time to make films. Apparently being a xenophobic, homophobic, sexist, racist is tougher work than any of us realise.

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