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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

dream cast: hypothetical ‘Square Pegs’ movie

It’s still Thursday for another couple of hours where I am, so it’s time to remake an 80s classic TV show or movie with an all-new cast. This week: Square Pegs, the 1982-3 CBS high-school comedy. Predating John Hughes’ take on teen life in the 80s, this was one of the most depressingly — and most hilariously — realistic depictions of adolescence in the early part of the decade.

(If you have a suggestion for an 80s TV show or movie we should play with, feel free to email me.)
The original cast included:

Patty Greene: Sarah Jessica Parker
Lauren Hutchinson: Amy Linker
Marshall Blechtman: John Femia
Johnny “Slash” Ulasewicz: Merritt Butrick
Jennifer DiNuccio: Tracy Nelson
Vinnie Pasetta: Jon Caliri
Muffy B. Tepperman: Jami Gertz

This was so 80s that it would be tough to actually update this for the 2010s (which is when this would end up landing, were production to start now) without killing everything that made it so wonderful back then. Maybe it could go all Brady Bunch Movie on us, and give us characters who don’t know they’re stuck in the 80s. Or else we fastforward to the characters as they are today.

My dream cast for a fastforward update:

Patty Greene: Sarah Jessica Parker (of course)
Lauren Hutchinson: Carla Gugino
Marshall Blechtman: Adrian Pasdar
Johnny “Slash” Ulasewicz: Anthony Edwards
Jennifer DiNuccio: Nicole Kidman
Vinnie Pasetta: Andy Garcia
Muffy B. Tepperman: Missi Pyle

Who would you cast, in either or both versions? Have fun!

Square pegs, square pegs, square, square pegs:



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  • PaulW

    Stop bleeping my childhood. You’ll want to recast Knight Rider… next… or Dukes of Hazz… wait a moment… or a live-action version of Star Blazers with a poorly Americanized script that’s been in development hell for 20 years and uh… oh dear…

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