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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

North American box office: Hannah Montana beats up Vin Diesel

Oh, the burn:

1. Hannah Montana: The Movie: $32.3 million (NEW)
2. Fast & Furious: $27.2 million (2nd week; drops 62%)
3. Monsters vs. Aliens: $21.8 million (3rd week; drops 33%)
4. Observe and Report: $11 million (NEW)
5. Knowing: $6.4 million (4th week; drops 21%)

actual numbers, not estimates
Never underestimate the breathtaking power of teenage girls. Hannah Montana defied most expectations to roundly trounce Fast & Furious, which had generally been awarded the weekend even before Hannah opened. Instead, F&F plunged 62 percent in its second week — not good at all; it means everyone said what I did, which is that the movie wasn’t worth seeing after that initial opening sequence, which is spectacular.

What did girls do? They gave us the second biggest Easter debut ever in Hannah, and the boys and girls combined — with the top three movies all doing more than $20 million in sales — to score the second busiest April weekend ever… after last weekend. Overall business was up 40 percent over this time last year. Whee! Peoples is goin’ to the movies…

Even Miley Cyrus, though, could not beat out either the awesomeness of the moon or that of heavy metal: Hannah Montana came in only at No. 3 when you look at per-screen averages, losing out to an IMAX space documentary (and one that’s been available on DVD for ages) and a non-IMAX documentary about heavy metal musicians who refuse to go softly into that good night:

1. Magnificent Desolation: $15,845 (on each of 4 screens)
2. Anvil! The Story of Anvil: $11,550 (3 screens)
3. Hannah Montana: $10,367 (3,118 venues)

Suck on that, Hannah.

[numbers via Box Office Mojo]



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  • bitchen frizzy

    Two of the top three movies are aimed at children and families, a chronically underserved market that will make even a mediocre movie successful. I don’t understand why people continue to be suprised when movies like Hannah Montana succeed. It’s not that I personally wish for more family-oriented fare, but it just makes good business sense.

    –“Suck on that, Hannah.”

    Tasteless, even as a figure of speech.

  • Ryan

    –“Suck on that, Hannah.”

    Tasteless, even as a figure of speech.

    Wow, could you BE any more politically correct?

    Also, it interests me that Miley Cyrus has made all this movie/TV money off of a split-personality disorder. Oh, and as far as the I-Max stuff goes;

    Suck on THAT, Hannah x2

  • bitchen frizzy

    I don’t think anyone who’s read many of my posts here would call me “politically correct.”

    I believe that vulgar, sexually suggestive remarks in reference to a child are tasteless. If that makes me “politically correct” then so be it.

  • kevin

    Why did you choose not to see Hannah Montana: The Movie? It could have been great. You never know.

  • Ryan

    I don’t think anyone who’s read many of my posts here would call me “politically correct.”

    I believe that vulgar, sexually suggestive remarks in reference to a child are tasteless. If that makes me “politically correct” then so be it.

    Er, yeah. I’ve read plenty of your posts here. Also, Miley Cyrus is a child. Hannah Montana is a fictional character. And if you believe that MaryAnn meant that in a sexual way then you clearly can’t read for context.

  • MaryAnn

    Yeah, there was nothing at all sexual intended by that.

    And I didn’t see *Hannah Montana* because there’s too much else to see at the moment, and I can’t see everything.

  • bitchen frizzy

    I make an observation that a phrase like “suck it, Hannah” is crass and vulgar rather than witty, and I get an argument to the contrary. Um, ok.

  • MaryAnn

    No, you said it was sexually suggestive and that’s what made it tasteless. It may not have been witty, but it wasn’t intended to be sexually suggestive. It was just meant to be a smackdown to an annoyingly vapid fictional character who thinks she rules the world, and clearly doesn’t.

  • bitchen frizzy

    Arrg. Do we need to parse the etymology of the phrase?

    Actually, never mind. It was feedback, apparently unwelcome, and not even my main point. I should never have accepted Ryan’s flamebait when he rode to your rescue.

  • MaryAnn

    Feedback is not unwelcome. I’m sorry you were offended.

  • Victor Plenty

    Seems to me, you’re both right.

    Many expressions once considered sexually suggestive have become generically aggressive “smackdown” material, used by people who don’t intend anything sexually suggestive at all.

    Yet these phrases still have their origins in talk that is not merely sexual, but deals in the abuse of sexuality as a tool of violence, degradation, and subjugation.

    Even when the writer is free of such tasteless intent, there is still a strong potential these phrases will create unwanted connotations in the reader’s mind, which can prevent real communication from occurring.

    That seems to be what has happened here.

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