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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

trailer break: ‘Ghosts of Girlfriends Past’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer…


I think they should have just called it Connor Mead Is a Huge Asshole and been done with it. Also, they might have avoided incurring the wrath of Charles Dickens, whom I hope rises from the dead and goes on a zombie rampage throughout the boardrooms of all the soulless corporations that had the slightest thing to do with this sure-to-be cinematic atrocity.

They just couldn’t avoid crazy-bride stuff, could they? This particularly enrages me, especially when you consider how Hollywood tells women that they’re supposed to live for this one special magical perfect day, but then all the movies about that one special magical perfect day are about taunting those women for being such singleminded bints. *argh*

Questions:

Is Michael Douglas supposed to look like Hugh Hefner?

Can you “date” someone for “two days” or for “an hour” or for “48 seconds”? I mean, maybe this jerk thinks you can, but why would the girls by into that?

Holy crap, the movie is going to want us to feel sorry for this jerk, isn’t it?

What happened to Jennifer Garner’s career?

Could Matthew McConaughey be any more repulsive?

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past opens in the U.S. and the U.K. on May 1.



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  • My thoughts exactly on the 48 seconds thing. (“Wow, I guess I’ve been dating every single barista I’ve ever got a drink from!” Yessir, Mocha-Macking Mike, they call me ’round the café…)

  • Saladinho

    48 seconds. He must’ve been one of those early pioneers of speed dating. Whoosh! Gone In 48 Seconds…

  • Joan

    I don’t know, 48 seconds sounds like plenty of time to date Matthew McConaughey. Too much time, really. More than I’d want, for sure.

  • melinda

    What i find interesting is that they leave NOTHING left for the movie. This trailer is really a mini movie. Yeah, we all knew where it was going, but i just don’t have any reason to see it now.

  • Did…did we really have any reason to see it before? ;)

  • Mathias

    Matthew McConaughey is the male version of Kate Hudson, relegated to dim-witted, sould-crushing and utterly repulsive rom-coms. It’s no accident that they starred opposite 2 different rom-coms, those two are cinematic soulmates. I mean, Stewie said it best:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CXXzz-SE9w

    Whatever promise they may have shown early in their careers (Almost Famous and Dazed & Confused), has been utterly and completly destroyed. When it comes to the question of “Which hollywood actors will never win an academy award?” these two must be at the top of the list.

    But oscars are way too much to hope for them, the obstacle that keeps tripping them up is, can they actually recognize a good script form a bad one, or is it just the $ that makes them star in Fool’s Gold, Bride Wars and this upcoming POS.

    Sorry about this vitriolic rant, i just had to get it off my chest.

  • melinda

    I like rom-coms, even the terribly predictable ones. I like Jennifer Garner. I would have thought about seeing it.
    Now, i won’t even think about it.

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