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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Gods of Football: The Making of the 2009 Calendar’

I’ve featured so many DVDs exploiting women in this feature, I figured it was time to go for the guys:

Australia’s sexiest pro rugby players created a minor scandal last year when they agreed to pose nude for a breast cancer charity calendar. It was national news! The lavish, provocative “Gods of Football 2009 Calendar” was an international bestseller. This DVD goes behind-the-scenes and on location as these young, Hollywood-handsome players get “Naked for a Cause” and star in some of the hottest images ever captured on film. More than three dozen sexy jocks from National Rugby League and Australian Rules teams are transformed from macho football players into nude calendar models for a day. Fly-on-the-wall camerawork captures the sizzling on-set action and many players share touching and surprisingly personal motivations for taking part. “Gods of Football: The Making of the 2009 Calendar” brings to life the stunning, iconic calendar images. Sexy music, outtakes and bloopers give the DVD an air of lighthearted fun! Hot, sexy sports stars baring it all for breast cancer research! These men are The Gods of Football! A must-have collector’s item for male physique and sexy jock fans!

FYI, this is the calendar the making of which this DVD covers:

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find this sexy: I find it unintentionally hilarious.

Also, why is it that when men are nude, they’re still not quite nude?



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  • Because showing your penis is gay!

  • Josh C.

    Even if it were, for instance, the U.S. women’s Olympic swim team doing a calendar, I suspect that they would be covering their breasts and vaginal area, thanks to varied combinations of underwear, strategically placed extremities, and sand.

    I definitely see, though, why you would say that the two photos look sillier than they do sexy. The second reminds me of this scene from Austin Powers.

  • Muzz

    This is darkly amusing for all sorts of reasons. Rugby League is currently mired in some of its worst player publicity ever (which is saying something) thanks to sex scandals involving entire teams. Big spotlights are being thrown left and right on the general attitude players (and Australian males at large) have towards women.
    I can’t work out if this means more of this sort of thing will appear or less.
    (I don’t think anyone should have been that surprised. For decades now football players of both major codes have amounted to a pseudo-warrior caste that can do what they like, when they like, provided they attend training regularly.)

  • MaSch

    Also, why is it that when men are nude, they’re still not quite nude?

    You should know the answer by now. If not, well, Tim1974 surely can explain it to you ;-)

    BTW: I don’t consider a football a piece of clothing.

  • “BTW: I don’t consider a football a piece of clothing.

    it’s not a human body part either…

  • JoshB

    Sweet merciful Jesus, the poor bastard in the second picture has no pubic hair. He must have scratched his scrotum off by now!

  • Victor Plenty

    If a shaved scrotum is good enough for Dr. Evil, it’s good enough for an Australian rugby player.

  • MaryAnn

    Rugby League is currently mired in some of its worst player publicity ever (which is saying something) thanks to sex scandals involving entire teams. Big spotlights are being thrown left and right on the general attitude players (and Australian males at large) have towards women.

    Hah. So you’re saying these guys aren’t gay? :->

    I mean, who cares whether they’re gay or not? But this is all clearly — to my eye — meant to be more homoerotic than anything else. I wonder if all these studly straight guys realize that.

    BTW: I don’t consider a football a piece of clothing.

    But I can’t see any penis!

  • Muzz

    Hah. So you’re saying these guys aren’t gay? :->

    I mean, who cares whether they’re gay or not? But this is all clearly — to my eye — meant to be more homoerotic than anything else. I wonder if all these studly straight guys realize that.

    Heh, indeed. Well, yes, I’m sure no one told them that. Though the makers wouldn’t sneeze at a few extra sales from that quarter.

    More disturbing dimensions: These highly questionable group… incidents involve most of the team watching, joining in or “playing along” as it were with whatever’s going on with the poor gal they’ve roped into it.
    Since they’re often young, inebriated, startstruck fangirls (to say nothing of being severly outnumbered by guys three times their size who hit people for a living) it’s bad news and not really a laughing matter. All the same; the spectating, the “getting in to the spirit of things” is thoroughly bizarre. It’s all very Spartan, and I don’t mean metaphorically. It’s got a lot of people saying “Are you sure you guys aren’t all just terribly confused?”

  • bitchen frizzy

    –“More disturbing dimensions: These highly questionable group… incidents involve most of the team watching, joining in or “playing along” as it were with whatever’s going on with the poor gal they’ve roped into it.”

    That’s gay too, in a bad, repressed, way. They probably don’t realize how gay they’re being in those situations, either.

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