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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

OMG: penis onscreen!

Here we go again. There’s a penis onscreen — in a still image! — during the end credits of The Hangover, and people are freaking out. Sez Bilge Ebiri at New York mag’s blog Vulture (you might want to skip the big blockquote if you don’t want even minor spoilers for the movie):

So, we saw The Hangover yesterday. The Hangover, in case you haven’t heard, is a movie rated R “for pervasive language, sexual content including nudity, and some drug material.” All of this was in fine evidence in the film we saw; this movie is definitely a “hard R,” as they like to say. But then the film’s end credits rolled and we saw something that to our naïve eyes looked somewhat harder, and made us wonder whether the ever-vigilant MPAA might have turned their screener copy off before the end credits. As you might expect, SPOILERS abound.

The film ends with the main characters discovering a camera that contains photographs of their disastrous guys’ night out, allowing us to finally see actual photographic evidence of all the crazy shit that we’ve been hearing about them having done for the previous hour and a half. As the end credits roll, we see the photographs. Most of it is the usual raunchy stuff: Strippers, roulette tables, Ed Helms with his mouth covered in blood, etc.

However, there are also several explicit photographs of Zach Galifianakis receiving a full-on blow job from a middle-age woman. Like with close-ups and everything! It’s kinda nasty, actually. We’re pretty sure we didn’t dream this — though, admittedly, we were laughing a bit too hard to be thinking clearly. And we’re pretty sure that’s not the sort of stuff the MPAA looks fondly upon, even when it’s being thrust at them by a big fat movie studio with lots of money.

No, Ebiri did not dream this: it’s really there in the film. I was at that same screening he was at, and I did indeed hear gasps from the press audience (which was, as always, comprised mostly of men). I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Bilge laughing — I know him, and I know his voice — and I’m pretty sure I do know who it was who gasped loudest, and I’m pretty sure it was a Big Name whom I later overheard telling someone else this is the funniest movie of the year.

It isn’t the funniest movie of the year. But what do I know? I’m just a girl. All the things the guys found so shocking and hilarious — like a guy getting a blowjob — I didn’t. (But you’ll get my full review soon.) I’m used to seeing, as these guys in the press crowd appeared not to have been, men getting blowjobs on screen. It’s true that that usually means some woman’s head bobbing up and down in some guy’s lap, without any visible penis at all, but we’re talking degrees of difference.

Watch how everyone freaks out over a not-at-all-similar oral sex scene in the upcoming Away We Go, which takes places entirely under blankets with only some nude feet for us to gasp at. But it’s a woman receiving the oral pleasure there, from a man: there’s nothing at all subversive or shocking about movies depiciting it the other way around, as The Hangover does.

And before anyone asks: No, there are no shaved pussies in The Hangover. But here’s one for ya now:

(Oh, and Vulture followed up and learned that, “Yes, Those Naughty Photos Will Remain in End Credits of The Hangover.”)

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  • [spoiler — added by maj]

    “However, there are also several explicit photographs of Zach Galifianakis receiving a full-on blow job from a middle-age woman. Like with close-ups and everything! It’s kinda nasty, actually.”

    and was the fact that it was a “middle-age woman” what made it nasty, Ebiri? i cannot imagine what would make any man flinch at a blow job otherwise… don’t they love them things?

  • MaryAnn

    Perhaps if they just closed their eyes and thought of England…

  • Sarah

    Please do not besmirch what is otherwise a perfectly good diatribe with the inference that your sense of humor is some how more developed than your colleagues’ because of your gender.

    It’s more developed because you’re you.

  • Tim1974

    Yes, another disgusting example of the double standard. How pathetic !!!!!! Enough of all these gratuitous male genitals on display in numerous films, plays, and new HBO series. Where is the equal amounts of female exposure ?????

  • Victor Plenty

    Preach it, Tim1974! Will women never tire of oppressing men? Women get all the highest paying jobs, fill all the most powerful government offices, own all the most influential media outlets, and now they shamelessly flaunt their insatiable demand for onscreen penis.

    If I were to make this into a video, here is where the heart-wrenching music would swell, and the camera would zoom in on my eyes to show a single tear of sincerely simulated emotional anguish.

    And if I were to put the video on YouTube, 99% of the commenters there would completely fail to perceive my sarcasm.

  • JoshB

    Is MaryAnn baiting Tim1974 or is it the other way around?

    And if I were to put the video on YouTube, 99% of the commenters there would completely fail to perceive my sarcasm.

    How can you be sure that you’re not failing to perceive Tim1974’s sarcasm? The longer this fracas goes on the more convinced I am that he’s an evil genius.

  • SaintAndy

    I have a feeling most Americans (please don’t get all up in arms, I mean no disrespect) don’t even know how ridiculous they look to ordinary people, like myself, from other parts of the world, like ..Europe, whenever another OMG penis on screen headline hits the news. I mean, seriously, some people seem worse than five year olds. And what IS the big deal here anyway? The same thing happened when Watchmen came out ..people only talked about Dr. Manhattan’s blue penis …I’ll never understand this sort of prudishness, and the even more mind-numbing fact that violence and extreme gore are always seen as less harmful than nudity.

  • Victor Plenty

    JoshB, it doesn’t much matter whether I’m correctly interpreting Tim1974’s intentions, because there is little difference between a brilliant troll and an honest crank when the issue they’ve chosen to pursue is so thoroughly inconsequential.

    Either way, at this point I’m more inclined to joke around about the “issue” than to take anything he says all that seriously.

  • Kelly

    There IS a sexist double-standard when it comes to the MPAA and Hollywood allowing only MALE genital nudity to be shown (penis and balls) but NEVER female genital nudity (labia and anus). I agree with Tim….how come we never see a CUNT, only dicks??? I bet the sexist female author of this article would have found it shocking if the pictures showed a close-up of a spread-open pussy being licked. Why won’t Hollywood and the MPAA allow that to be shown in an R-rated movie too? Then of course all the dumb, sexist, hypocritical women would complain and whine about it and call it “exploitative”. Its funny how women are so okay with a cock being shown but if we had all of these major films coming out and showing women’s genitalia (cunts and assholes) you can bet all the bitch feminists would be complaining about it. How come female genitalia is never shown? All we see of women are boobs (non-genital nudity) and, on rare, occassions, bush….but no actual female genitalia. Women are sexist-pig hypocrites. Its time that Hollwood starts showing VAGINAS too. Fair is fair.

  • Victor Plenty

    I’m sure we’re all shocked – SHOCKED! – at the stunning revelation that “Kelly” agrees with Tim.

    This is why I can’t buy the theory of Tim as an evil genius. The dude can’t even do a convincing sockpuppet act.

  • Why do I get the feeling that Congress could pass a law requiring all American movie actresses to perform in the nude while facing the camera at all times and that still wouldn’t be enough for some people?

    What next? America’s Funniest Gynecology Videos?

    Some people–ahem–are never satisfied…

  • I’m sure we’re all shocked – SHOCKED! – at the stunning revelation that “Kelly” agrees with Tim.

    But is “Kelly” the alternative personality or is it “Tim”? And how many more personalities will we see?

    Has “Tim” or “Kelly” been experiencing moments of missing time?

  • Kimberly

    The kitty there seems to share my attitude towards shaving. :)

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