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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

caption this! image from ‘G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra’

New fun for Wednesdays! We look at an image from an upcoming movie and write snarky, witty, or otherwise entertaining captions for it. No prizes, it’s just for fun.

Because I’m having such a good time ragging on G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, I see no need to stop. So here’s a still from the film:


The synopsis, courtesy of Paramount Pictures:

Paramount Pictures and Hasbro, whose previous collaboration was the worldwide blockbuster “TRANSFORMERS,” join forces with Spyglass Entertainment for another extraordinary action-adventure “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.” From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos. “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.” is directed by Stephen Sommers (“The Mummy,” “The Mummy Returns”).

Visit the film’s official site or IMDB page for more info.

Caption away…



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  • melodie

    Man in white: There is something you ought to know…
    Man in black: What is this?
    Man in white: I…am not left-handed.

  • @melodie Ha! Straight for the Princess Bride reference. You know how to appease the Mighty MaryAnn. *grin*

  • Ryan

    Besides the usual product placement, GI-Joe also features the 100th episode of the popular MAD cartoon Spy vs. Spy

  • “Damn you – I wanted to be the black ninja Power Ranger!”

  • amanohyo

    Snake Eyes: “White ninjas hold their Schwartz like this, de de, dededee, but black ninjas hold their Schwartz like this do do doo.”

    Storm Shadow: “It’s true! I’m so lame!”

  • STORM SHADOW: “Ha-ha! Our fight here likely will not compare a single iota to our amazing confrontation in G.I. Joe : Resolute”

    SNAKE-EYES: . . . {translation: why does my mask have lips?}

  • doa766

    “hey, Jean Claude, remember when we used show our faces on movies and we were stars?”

    “you were never star, Wesley”

  • Saladinho

    “I’m gonna tell you this one time, Jack fuckin’ Twist, an I ain’t foolin’. What I don’t know-all them things I don’t know-could get you killed if I come to know them. I ain’t jokin’.”

  • Storm Shadow: “Sister… Scarlett is your sister! Well, if you cannot be turned to the Dark Side… PERHAPS SHE WILL!”

    Snake Eyes: “…”

  • Bree

    White Ninja to Black Ninja:

    “Even if costs me my life, you will NEVER use this pay telephone beside me. NEEEVVVEEERRR!!!”

  • Erik Goodwyn

    black ninja: what are you supposed to be, some kind of cosmonaut?
    *swordfight, swordfight, tink, tink, tink*
    white ninja: nah. I’m a ninja.
    black ninja: really? they have outfits in white? I love your tailor, by the way.
    *tink, tink, tink*
    white ninja: oh, thanks. yeah, it was on sale–JC Penny white sale. Who’d a thought?
    *tink, tink*
    black ninja: I gotta get me one of those…after I kill you of course.
    white ninja: just watch the blood stains…I have to get this dry cleaned later.

  • Jester

    For years afterward, Bob the Black Ninja had to endure teasing about completely forgetting that he’d been wearing a GUN that day.

  • “You can’t wear white after Labor Day!”
    “That’s just not true anymore!”
    “Yes it is! Didn’t your mother ever tell you!”
    “She was always on your side! SOB!”

  • Andrew

    “Oh, yours is pointy! The prop department totally cheaped out on mine!”

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