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the film criticism aspect of cyber | by maryann johanson

caption this! image from ‘The Vampire’s Assistant’

New fun for Wednesdays! We look at an image from an upcoming movie and write snarky, witty, or otherwise entertaining captions for it. No prizes, it’s just for fun.

So here’s an early peek at The Vampire’s Assistant (formerly titled Cirque Du Freak), Paul Weitz’s new fantasy adventure starring John C. Reilly:


The synopsis, courtesy of Universal Pictures:

The Vampire’s Assistant tells the frightening tale of a boy who unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires. Pulled into a fantastic life of misunderstood sideshow freaks and grotesque creatures of the night, one teen will vanish from the safety of a boring existence and fulfill his destiny in a place drawn from nightmares.

14-year-old Darren (Chris Massoglia) was like most kids in his suburban neighborhood. He hung out with his best friend, got decent grades and usually stayed out of trouble. But when he and his buddy stumble upon a traveling freak show, things begin to change inside Darren. That’s the exact moment when a vampire named Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) turns him into something, well, bloodthirsty.

Visit the film’s IMDB page for more info.

Caption away…



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movie buzz
  • Saladinho

    Okay, I’ll bite (so to speak): Early still from the set of Dr. Who, with Gary Glitter as the regenerated Time Lord, and James McAvoy as his latest companion.

  • Victor Plenty

    “I warned you, most vampires never get to look cool, or be sexy, or live in castles; but no, you just had to see for yourself.”

  • doa766

    “after quitting halfway through the production of “the golden compass” I decided that I was going to dedicate my career to more down to earth, mature stuff” p.weitz

  • “Never fear, mortal. I’ll make sure your neighbor takes his Christmas decorations down tonight!”

  • Bree

    “…use the smallest rods possible, that way you get a tighter curl, and make sure you used end-papers so the tips don’t go frizzy; then you just apply the perm solution, wait about 20 minutes, rinse well, apply the neutralizer to each curl and blot well, then carefully unwrap each rod, rinse and blow dry using a diffuser, it’s that simple! I’m not saying it’ll look as good as mine, but at least it’ll give you some height and volume.”

  • Joy

    Hmm, the picture is kind of small, so when I looked at it I thought it was some old episode of ST:TNG and we were looking looking at Colm Meaney and whoever it was that played Wesley Crusher.

    But, Chris B, yours made me giggle.

  • hoptoad

    “I’m telling you I saw the third season of Carnivale’ right over here!”

  • “…and the Sparkle Motion Treatment is in this trailer to my left…”

  • Mr. Cellophane gets a new hair stylist…

  • doa766

    so I told Will Ferrel: “this is so much fun than acting for Scorsese and Paul Thomas Anderson, I’m a comedian now” and I have no regrets, now give my fangs and wig

  • bats :[

    No caption for me. Lord, I thought the Cirque du Freak series was even worse than the Twilight mess. I just want a multi-million-dollar budget to film a monkey flinging poo…

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