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since 1997 | by maryann johanson

trailer break: ‘Orphan’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer…


Well, Vera, obviously there is something wrong with being different.

We’ll never guess her secret? Oh, pul-leeze. She’s Satan’s slave. She’s Carrie’s clone. No, wait, she’s Damien’s child! And she killed Damien, and that’s why she’s an orphan!

No? Not scary anymore? We need something more modern to terrify us?

How about: Her little body is inhabited by the spirit of an evil hedge-fund manager who wants to ruin the credit rating of her adoptive parents. She’s the reincarnation of an oil-company executive who returns to Earth to ensure we drill in Alaska. No, wait! She’s the love child of Michael Bay and whoever wrote that line in the trailer — “It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own” — and is simultaneously compelled to make things blow up and offend people.

The Orphan opens in the U.S. on July 24 and the U.K. on August 7.



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movie buzz | trailers
  • JT

    The real twist is even dumber than all these.

  • M. Night Shamalamadingdong

    Ha ha, she’s like Bruce Willis in my first movie.

    Underpaid.

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