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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: What could be creepier than your own Edward Cullen shadow?

Are we entering an era of “the stalker as sexy”? We’re already at a place where Americans don’t mind being spied on by our government, apparently, if it (supposedly) keeps us safe. We’re already at a place where British citizens are observed by CCTV cameras everywhere they go even though the cameras don’t do a thing to prevent or solve crime. So maybe people do find it sexy to be stared at in one’s sleep by a vampire:


Elisabeth Rappe at Cinematical:

Now, from here it doesn’t look like he has any eyes, so his defensive ability is doubtful, but let’s not nitpick the finer points. It’s his glittery, broody presence that matters, and this decal offers 6’2 inches of two dimensional companionship. And unlike The Vamp, this Edward is a chaste and G-rated addition to your boudoir. He just wants you to be safe, girls, he’s not interested in sex.

(The Vamp is hilarious, and so NSFW.)

This is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen, though it does follow logically from the massive success of Twilight: if all those vampire-swooning girls really do find it romantic to be spied upon while they sleep, this is the perfect bit of merchandising to continue separating these girls from their money. (It worked: the thing is sold out.)

So let’s brainstorm the next sinister bit of marketing for the new surveillance-is-cool era of pop culture. What could be creepier — or cooler, depending on your perspective — than your own Edward Cullen shadow?

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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  • bracyman

    I was, at first, creeped the heck out by this thing. But is it really so different from the standee of Spock I had in my room during college? I mean, he even had a (phaser) gun. And with the sheer number of 3′ by 4′ posters of naked, or nearly naked, or not-naked-but-definitely-kissing-another-girl girls, this seems pretty innocuous.

    On the other hand, screw Edward Cullen, him and his hair.

  • …even though the cameras don’t do a thing to prevent or solve crime.

    Source? I’m curious.

  • I want some of those after the bomb Watchmen shadows for my wall. You know which ones I’m talking about, that is, if you read the book.

  • Saladinho

    Yeah, JoshDM, good idea. Actually, even though I’m not a Twilight fan, this Cullen thing could actually work ironically too. Nice bit of Pop Art, I think.

  • A. Mous
  • MaryAnn

    is it really so different from the standee of Spock I had in my room during college? I mean, he even had a (phaser) gun. And with the sheer number of 3′ by 4′ posters of naked, or nearly naked, or not-naked-but-definitely-kissing-another-girl girls, this seems pretty innocuous.

    Yeah, but the whole point of this is that it’s meant to ape the totally creepy bit in the book/movie, in which Edward does actually spy on the female protagonist while she’s sleeping, and it’s meant to be “romantic.”

  • bracyman

    Yeah, but the whole point of this is that it’s meant to ape the totally creepy bit in the book/movie, in which Edward does actually spy on the female protagonist while she’s sleeping, and it’s meant to be “romantic.”

    True. What’s next, a static image of Ricky from American Beauty with a camera that you can stick to your neighbors’ window? Or on the other side of the fence, how about a shower curtain with the silhouette of Norman Bates and a knife…wait:

    http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/185-0170554-7921442?ASIN=B001VSV79S&AFID=Froogle&LNM=B001VSV79S|Psycho_Shower_Curtain_-_Red/Clear&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=B001VSV79S&ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001

  • bracyman (Tue Aug 25 09, 1:58PM):

    True. What’s next, a static image of Ricky from American Beauty with a camera that you can stick to your neighbors’ window?

    Actually, how about a full color, life-size Thora Birch showing her gorgeous breasts in the window?

  • Gee

    “Actually, how about a full color, life-size Thora Birch showing her gorgeous breasts in the window?”

    Haha … I read that as “Thora Hird”! Not an image I would have wished for, but never mind. She’s the only Thora that I know of, although having Googled Thora Birch I note she was in American Beauty, which I have seen.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thora_Hird

  • Brian

    I wonder how many of these will come back down off the wall after a single night, when a half-asleep ‘tween girl wakes her entire house screaming.

  • Jurgan

    Hey, people still think The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” is a love song- listen to the lyrics, people. That’s the sort of sentiment that makes you want to call the real police.

  • Karen P

    Well – if you want to stick to the vamp theme, you could always use Eric from True Blood. THAT would be creepy…

    Oooh! Or Spike from Buffy!

  • bats :[

    Eh, that’s what vampires do. I sure as heck would want old twinkly, sparkly Edward to be the vampire, though…

  • tomservo

    Jimmy Stewart from Rear Window, that creepy guy from Body Double, or even the ghost kid that’s supposed to be in Three Men and a Baby.

  • bats :[

    Looking back on the rather unkempt shadow, maybe this is just the updated nursery of the Darling children.

  • Alli

    I saw this on a blog a week ago. Creeped me out. Did you see the Edward Cullen shower curtain? Someone also made a sparkling sex toy. The whole Twilight phenomenon just freaks me out.

  • MaryAnn

    Someone also made a sparkling sex toy.

    That’s the “Vamp” linked in my original post. :->

  • Alli

    Yeah, I just realized that after I posted. My bad.

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