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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Robsessed’

I actually feel bad for this guy. I think he had no idea what he was in for with Twilight:

The exclusive, Access-All-Areas pass inside the Life of Hollywood’s Hottest New Talent….. Robert Pattinson After clinching “Top Male Hottie” at the Teen Choice Awards, winning “Breakthrough Performance” and “Best Kiss” awards from MTV Movies for his smash hit Twilight, Robert Pattinson is Hollywood’s Hottest Heartthrob!

Or heartthROB!

ROBSSESED is the exclusive and first-ever all-access film into the leading actor’s life, available to own on DVD.

Calm down, girls: You can own only the DVD, not his life.

ROBSESSED charts the British star’s rise to U.S stardom and provides the inside story that led to his international fame and sex symbol status! The exclusive film includes sizzling secrets of Rob’s first kiss, his bullying at school,

Ooo, ooo, tell us: Who did he bully?

and gossip on his co-stars, featuring a great selection of interviews with his acting teacher, former co-star Anne Reid (The Bad Mother’s Handbook), and influential figures in showbiz, as well as some of his super fans! The film is an exclusive, no-holds-barred look at the life of today’s number one hottie in Hollywood. No stone is left unturned as Revolver Entertainment exclusively releases the first-ever documentary on Rob.

“Up until I was 12 my sisters used to dress me up as a girl and introduce me as ‘Claudia’! Twelve was a turning point as I moved to a mixed school and then I became cool and discovered hair gel.” -Robert Pattinson

Okay, now I really do feel sorry for him…

ROBSESSED offers more than a glimpse into Rob’s life, it also provides an insightful and fascinating look into the foundation of the making of the young British actor and his transition to International Superstar.

Makings of an International Superstar: bullying, pubescent crossdressing, hair gel. I hope everyone is taking notes.

The ideal gift and certainly the essential, must-have DVD for any Robert Pattinson fan!

*sigh*

And this is from the “review” that appears on the Amazon U.S. page (not a user review, either):

To say that pop culture is obsessed with Robert Pattinson would be an understatement. We magnify everything from his perfectly hung jeans, to his unruly tousled hair, to his favorite ripped teeshirt.

We do? We magnify?

In the all new documentary titled Robsessed fans are catapulted into a dream universe where everything revolves around Robert Pattinson. In the film, fans get exclusive never before heard tidbits from Pattinson’s life, documented by his fellow colleagues, teachers, neighbors, and journalists.

Oh, dear god, the poor guy! Is there no one in his life who won’t share every embarrassing scrap about him?

Ride along, as his drama teacher describes the passion and talent the young Pattinson displayed while his coworker talks about modeling with him back in the day. Hold on tight because Robsessed is an hour full of thrills, screams, and maybe a tear or two as you uncover the mystery behind one of the most obsessed about actors in pop culture today.

Why do I imagine this “reviewer” going through Pattinson’s garbage for evidence of his love for her?

Wait: screams?

OMG! The Region 2 DVD comes with a Free 2010 Photo Calendar. *swoon*



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  • Gia

    Every time I see him on the red carpet or during an interview, he looks like he just wants to curl up into a ball and cry, and I feel so sorry for the poor boy. And I’m not in the habit of feeling sorry for people who are rich and famous. He just has that perpetual deer-in-headlights, please-kill-me expression that’s heartbreaking.

  • Isobel

    I have a violent dislike for Twilight (I didn’t see the film but the books were unbelievably bad) but Robert Pattison does seem to have his head screwed on – just a shame that he’s ended up with the whole obsessive Twilight mania thing because I wonder if it might actually really harm his career in the long run.

  • Shaun

    Why do I imagine this “reviewer” going through Pattinson’s garbage for evidence of his love for her?

    They wouldnt have to, i would imagine its on the disc.

    Going through the garbage that is. “Put on the gloves and find out just what bad boy Robert throws away! Does this fat-cat eat all his plankton?.”

  • Mel

    I feel bad for him, too–sure, he made a lot of money, but I don’t think he expected to have eight-year-olds begging him to bite them. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Twilight association does hurt his career in the long run.

  • Bluejay

    Or it might help; you never know. It certainly didn’t hurt other teen idols like Johnny Depp–or, for that matter, the Beatles–to have a big, intensely loyal fan base who followed them through their careers, as they matured and proved they were good.

  • I saw an interviewer where someone asked Pattinson how he captured the self-loathing of his character in Twilight and he replied with something on the order of, “I read the script and I hated the character.”

  • MaryAnn

    “I read the script and I hated the character.”

    It’s that kind of honesty that makes me like Pattinson.

  • H

    I don’t feel sorry for the guy a bit. It’s not like he was 11 like ‘Potter’ kids when he signed up for the ‘Twilight’. He knew what he was doing and what he is getting involved into. Almost every teen girl was obsessed with the book before it was made into the film. Tried to push his own carrier the easy way? And his acting might be really subtle, because I did not see any of self-loathing from Edward. I might be a little harsh, but I really loath this whole franchise…

  • Kate

    He seems like a good guy – and the Edward Cullen-loathing makes me like him too – and I too feel very sorry for him when I see that DVDs like “Robsessed” exist.

  • bats :[

    Leonardo’s acting-track was somewhat derailed following “Titanic”. If Robert has the acting chops, he’ll survive the whole Twilight farce and eventually be known for something other than being a wuss vampire (assuming he gets good roles; Leonardo seems to have a good eye for roles and just doesn’t take anything that’s thrown at him).

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