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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

caption this! image from ‘The Book of Eli’

Fun for Wednesdays! We look at an image from an upcoming movie or TV show and write snarky, witty, or otherwise entertaining captions for it. No prizes, it’s just for fun.

All we are is dust in the wind:


Warner Bros. tells us about the film:

In the not-too-distant future, some 30 years after the final war, a solitary man walks across the wasteland that was once America. Empty cities, broken highways, seared earth–all around him, the marks of catastrophic destruction. There is no civilization here, no law. The roads belong to gangs that would murder a man for his shoes, an ounce of water…or for nothing at all.

But they’re no match for this traveler.

A warrior not by choice but necessity, Eli (Denzel Washington) seeks only peace but, if challenged, will cut his attackers down before they realize their fatal mistake. It’s not his life he guards so fiercely but his hope for the future; a hope he has carried and protected for 30 years and is determined to realize. Driven by this commitment and guided by his belief in something greater than himself, Eli does what he must to survive–and continue.

Only one other man in this ruined world understands the power Eli holds, and is determined to make it his own: Carnegie (Gary Oldman), the self-appointed despot of a makeshift town of thieves and gunmen. Meanwhile, Carnegie’s adopted daughter Solara (Mila Kunis) is fascinated by Eli for another reason: the glimpse he offers of what may exist beyond her stepfather’s domain.

But neither will find it easy to deter him. Nothing–and no one–can stand in his way. Eli must keep moving to fulfill his destiny and bring help to a ravaged humanity.

So what the hell is the “hope” that Eli carries? If it’s, like, the freakin’ FEMA survival guide, I’m gonna riot.

The Book of Eli opens in the U.S. and the U.K. on January 15, 2010.

Visit the film’s IMDB page or official site for more info.

Caption away…



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movie buzz
  • Muzz

    “Stop praying dammit. I lit the fire the mundane way already”

  • “I already told you, Eli: girls don’t fart.”

  • Orangutan

    “I thought YOU were getting the marshmallows…”

  • Brian

    “You see, child, in the old days light had more frequencies. We called it ‘color.'”

  • Jester

    “There’s some lovely filth over here…”

  • amanohyo

    “You’re too young to remember the Abercrombie Bauer War. It left our land scarred beyond recognition. This Fall Catalog is all that remains… if it falls into the hands of the Old Navy Empire, they will use it to design Cargo Pants of unimaginably terrifying comfort and value.”

  • “Sorry, River, but I’m pretty sure you have me confused with someone else.”

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