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the film criticism aspect of cyber | by maryann johanson

say what? 2009

It had to be done: all in one place, the very best bad dialogue of the year 2009. No ranking — newer quotes are posted at the top. [Warning: May contain spoilers.]
“Bella, the only thing that can hurt me is you.”
–Edward (Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: New Moon

“I’m not good. I used to be.”
–Jacob (Taylor Lautner), The Twilight Saga: New Moon

“Bella, werewolves are not good company to keep.”
–Alice (Ashley Greene), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (though she pronounces it like werewolfs)

“I loved him so much I didn’t even realize I had a meth problem.”
–Doris (Connie Britton), Women in Trouble

“It looks like the neutrinos coming from the sun have mutated into a new kind of nuclear particle.”
–scientist, 2012

“The director of the Louvre is not an enemy of humanity!”
–Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), 2012

“Our culture is our soul and that’s not dying tonight.”
–Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), 2012

“Peace, they say, is the enemy of memory.”
–Dad (Billy Connolly), The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

“If you keep acting like a bitch, someone’s gonna fuck that pussy in your face.”
–Tucker (Matt Czuchry), I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I want to shoot every one one of the bitches.”
–Drew (Jesse Bradford), I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“In the schoolyard, a Don Ready is a euphemism for a hard-on.”
–Brent Gage (David Koechner), The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

“Was it a hate crime or a freedom crime?”
–Brent Gage (David Koechner), The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

“She was a blond…”
–Duke (Channing Tatum), about the Baroness, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

“Do it. You already killed me once.”
–Baroness (Sienna Miller), G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

“Spooning is nice.”
–Jenny (Jennifer Garner)
“Yeah, but not as nice as forking.”
–Connor (Matthew McConaughey)
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

“My daddy always tells me nothing good happens after 10pm, it’s gotta be damn near 2am now.”
–Harvey (Terrence Howard), Fighting

“I’m too straight to be gay.”
–Nick (Eric Christian Olsen), Fired Up!

“I might be drunk but at least I know what the truth is.”
–Alex (Arielle Kebbel), The Uninvited

“Excuse me — I’m not the one who saw our dead mother point the finger at Dad’s creepy girlfriend.”
–Alex (Arielle Kebbel), The Uninvited

“Don’t worry, I’ll edit out the sweaty parts.”
–Mom Blart (Shirley Knight), about a video of her son, Paul Blart: Mall Cop

“We’ve got him trapped in Rainforest Cafe.”
–bad guy, Paul Blart: Mall Cop

“It has fallen upon you to end what began in Auschwitz.”
–Sofi Kozma (Jane Alexander), The Unborn

“You have been dead until now.”
–wedding planner (Candice Bergen), on life prior to one’s wedding, Bride Wars

“Your wedding better watch it!”
–Liv (Kate Hudson), to her best friend on the occasion of her nuptials, Bride Wars



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posted in:
year in review
  • Ken

    “You have been dead until now.”

    Delivered without even a hint of irony, I imagine.

  • doa766

    “yeah, who’s bad?”

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