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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

Gabby totally just asked Justin out to the Oscars!

Gabourey Sidibe, who’s been nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for her performance in Precious, wants Justin Timberlake to be her date for the upcoming awards ceremony, according to People magazine:

“I want to make Justin Timberlake and [The Hurt Locker actor] Anthony Mackie fight it out for the honor of being my date,” Sidibe told the Canadian entertainment TV show eTalk this week. “I’m just going to throw them in the ring and make them do it!”

But if Sidibe had to narrow it down to one guy, her heart is set on Timberlake. At one point during the interview, Sidibe turns toward the camera and makes her direct appeal. “Justin,” she says, “if you’re not doing anything on that night, maybe you could be my date or something. It’s fine. No pressure!”

If Timberlake is employing PR people worth their salt, they are right now insisting that he squire Miss Sidibe to the Oscars and make sure that everyone sees him on her arm. Cuz he’ll never be able to buy publicity like this ever again: the bubbly, effusive Sidibe will never, ever shut up singing his praises. And he’ll look like an absolute sweetie to everyone else. And he’s sure to have a blast with someone who is so clearly enjoying her moment in the spotlight.

This has been your OMG Thought for the Day.



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  • Victor Plenty

    That would indeed be cool to see. I am not entirely sure he is good enough for her, but hey, there’s no real harm in just one date.

    (That is not a joke, by the way. I’m completely earnest in what I’ve said.)

  • Jurgan

    But she’s fat! No way- blech! She must lose five hundred pounds and become transparent in order to be acceptable for such an honor.

  • Kenny

    If Timberlake says no, I’d like a chance at Oscar datehood. :)

  • Dydd Amstalden

    It wouldn’t work. Not in this day and age, because now everyone knows that nothing is ever done without calculation. Sort of takes the specialness out of it…

  • markyd

    I can totally see Justin doing this. He actually seems pretty cool, with a great sense of humor. I can’t see it being done seriously, but I agree that if he’s smart, he goes with it.

  • MaryAnn

    I am not entirely sure he is good enough for her, but hey, there’s no real harm in just one date.

    Heh! I agree. But perhaps she’d learn that on their one date.

  • Victor Plenty

    I can’t see it being done seriously

    Markyd, come on, let’s give Timberlake *some* benefit of the doubt. It’s likely he is more intelligent than your average gossip column reader. After all, he has used the income from his entertainment career to invest in several successful business ventures and charitable foundations, instead of wasting it all on mindless consumption like so many other celebrities.

    Perhaps he is capable of developing better taste in relationship choices, too. He might discover that focusing on a narrow range of physical types could have been part of the reason for his troubled relationship history.

    There is no rational reason for ruling out all possibility of a serious long term romantic connection developing between Sidibe and Timberlake. And even if their personalities are not compatible for that type of relationship, that’s no reason the two of them can’t have genuine sincere fun attending an awards show together.

    If we really can’t imagine that “being done seriously,” our culture is even more fucked up than I thought.

  • MaryAnn

    There is no rational reason for ruling out all possibility of a serious long term romantic connection developing between Sidibe and Timberlake.

    Absolutely not. But there’s also no reason why a date just can’t be fun even if nothing clicks romantically between the two of them.

  • Victor Plenty

    MaryAnn, I thought that I had said the same thing. True, I said “attending an awards show together” where you said “a date,” – because my impression was that going to the Oscars together was the idea for the date.

    If it seemed to you that I was saying something different, I’m curious to find out what that was.

  • markyd

    Why must I say the obvious?
    Victor, what you say is great and all, but not in line with reality.
    “beautiful” people tend to only couple with other “beautiful” people. Especially in Hollywoodland. Justin may take the opportunity for the sake of publicity and good will, but there’s no way in hell he would end up in a relationship with her. This is not me being mean or anything. It’s just the truth of the matter.
    I’m sure “Gabby” is a nice persona and all, but she also happens to be morbidly obese. Not only is this unattractive, but extremely unhealthy. Now, I imagine due to her sudden rise in popularity that she probably has people “helping” her with this issue, but what do I know? Perhaps she’s happy with it. Doesn’t take away from the FACT that it will kill her.
    We live in a physical world. It’s hard to find out whats underneath if the outside doesn’t catch your eye first.
    I suppose I’ll get in trouble for this post. So be it.

  • Henry

    Ok. I’ll bite.

    Here’s the thing markyd: if you find obesity unattractive, fine. It’s a bit annoying, but, hey, we all have our judgmental streaks. But it’s even more annoying when you start hiding behind the “it’s unhealthy” BS. One, I have a hard time believing that you’re actually concerned for the mere potential of health problems of someone you don’t even actually know. Two, her relative “health” has absolutely nothing to do with whether she can go on a date. Three, you don’t know anything about the state of her “health.” By all accounts, Sidibe appears to be a vibrant and energetic person–hardly lazy or sickly or disabled or in need of “help”.

    If you have a problem with certain body types, whatever. But don’t try to act like it’s some kind of altruistic compulsion that makes you concerned for her “health”.

    Also, to your statement of the obvious: Duh. Which is why it’s so awesome that she asked him–Sidibe is totally challenging the Hollywood standard of beauty, and her general awesomeness is serving to prove how misguided it is. I, for one, hope that little punk Timberlake is as smart as he sometimes seems to be.

  • JoshB

    Sidibe is totally challenging the Hollywood standard of beauty

    I want to make Justin Timberlake and Anthony Mackie fight it out for the honor of being my date…I’m just going to throw them in the ring and make them do it!

  • MaryAnn

    Justin may take the opportunity for the sake of publicity and good will, but there’s no way in hell he would end up in a relationship with her. This is not me being mean or anything. It’s just the truth of the matter.

    You’re making assumptions about Timberlake that are not fair. Perhaps he’s just waiting for the opportunity to break out of all the preconceived assumptions about *him* that he lives with all the time. You have no way of knowing what the “truth of the matter” is.

    Victor Plenty: I wasn’t contradicting you. I was merely pointing out that there’s no reason to assume *anything at all* about a potental joint trip to the Oscars for Gabby and Justin.

    I’m sure “Gabby” is a nice persona and all, but she also happens to be morbidly obese. Not only is this unattractive, but extremely unhealthy.

    It’s sorta amusing how you never — or hardly ever — hear men saying something like, “I’m sure Keira Knightley is a nice person and all, but she also happens to be dangerously thin. While this might be considered attractive by some, it is also extremely unhealthy.”

  • MaryAnn

    JoshB, are you suggesting that there isn’t something challenging in the notion that two men who are considered “traditionally” attractive might actually fight for the attentions of a fat black gal?

  • JoshB

    No, I’m saying the imagery she chose is of two very fit specimens in a contest of physical prowess. That is hardly challenging any Hollywood norms.

  • Victor Plenty

    Markyd, what you call FACT is bullshit. Your ability to use your CAPS LOCK key does not make your claim a fact.

    Your understanding of medical science is simply wrong if you think obesity automatically and inevitably kills anyone. It is just one of the many risk factors for health problems that can kill a person. On average, yes, thin people tend to live longer. But you can’t apply statistical averages to draw any solid conclusions about the future of one individual case, the way you have done here.

    You have made the same error as a person who looks at the statistics and concludes that the average human has one breast and one testicle.

    You are also clearly aware that you’re being an asshole about it. When you have to claim you’re not being mean, that’s a clear indication you know damn well you’re arguing on the morally wrong side, attempting to defend indefensible and baseless social prejudices.

  • Jan Willem

    Does anybody know whether Gabourey Sidibe can sing? Some actors prove to be surprisingly good singers. (Andy Serkis’ recent transformation into Ian Dury is just one example.) Even in the absence of romantic developments there might be some musical potential here.

  • marky

    I am an asshole. I totally admit it. I also can’t stand overly PC people who jump on anyone who dares to verbalize what everyone else is thinking.
    I call bullshit on anyone who didn’t think for a second about her looks.
    Alright, maybe I shouldn’t have used the word FACT. Or perhaps in a different way?
    FACT: Life kills you. Better?
    I also shouldn’t make assumptions about Justin, but considering his dating history, one would not predict that he would do a 180 and suddenly go for someone like “Gabby”.
    Actually, MaryAnn, you make a good point about overly thin women. Personally,I find them just as unattractive and unhealthy looking.

    Not everyone is beautiful. Not even in their “own special way”. Genetics plays tricks on some of us. It sucks, but that’s life.

  • Victor Plenty

    Marky, you’re no asshole. Not in the sense that you are trying to paint as a source of pride. You are not a courageous crusader against the evils of “political correctness.” You’re only a pathetic victim of your own moral cowardice.

    You have completely failed to “verbalize what everyone else is thinking.” The rest of us are not secretly harboring exact copies of your narrow minded personal prejudices.

    Apparently you are not even able to read what has already been said from the beginning of this very conversation. Nobody here is claiming that they never gave any thought to Sidibe’s physical appearance. I addressed that exact issue in my first response to you. In your blind haste to “say the obvious” you failed to notice that you were alerting us all to a “reality” which we had already been discussing, far ahead of you.

    And that’s really what this is all about: how far behind your mindset is. You think you are enlightening everyone about “the truth of the matter,” when all you are really proving is that your narrow minded thought patterns have rendered your intellect clumsy and feeble.

    Do yourself a favor. Wake up.

  • markyd

    Ha! That is total gold there, Victor. This is why conversations like this should never happen on the ole’ interwebnet. If we we’re having the same conversation in “real life” I think things would be a bit different. No one around me on a day-to-day basis would ever accuse me of the things you just accused me of. I guess my writing comes off more abrasive than the thought that precedes it.
    Back to movies…

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