artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson
Thu Feb 04 2010, 10:29pm | 5 comments
This horror movie spoof takes the storytelling bear to its logical conclusion:
The Nostalgia Critic VS. Teddy Ruxpin.
Oh cmon don’t be frightened. It’s just a harmless little teddy bear. See? All you gotta do is… OHMYGODAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHELPMEOHGODITSCHEWINGMYARRRRGGHGHHHGHHHCCcccckckcough cough cough gahhhhhhhh…
Even creepier is I would’ve killed for a Teddy Ruxpin when I was five or so. My mom would never let me have one…for some reason, though she did take me to see Teddy Ruxpin on Ice with the Ice Capades. Man, the 80s were weird.
The commercials always made it look creepier – or cooler, depending on your demographic – than it really was. Some cousins of mine had one. The stories were badly written, you could barely hear it over the whirring of the motors, the mouth movements were not well timed to the voice, and the eyes hardly moved at all. Basically, it looked like a piece of Disney animatronics gone retarded. Worlds of Wonder had some clever ideas, but lacked the technology to really implement them. I had a LaserTag set as well, but the damn things never shot straight.
I’ve always kinda wondered what would happen if you put an H.P. Lovecraft book-on-tape into a Teddy Ruxpin…
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