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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

‘Lost’ blogging: “The Package”

(previous: “Ab Aeterno”)

There’s no way to “review” or “analyze” or even “discuss” this show on an episode-by-episode basis — it’s more like you just have to react and try to guess what the hell is going on. So I’m not even gonna try to impose any sense or reason upon it: I’m just going to react. Maybe when it’s all said and done there will be something cohesive to say. Till then…

Perhaps needless to say, Lost doesn’t make much sense while you’re watching it. My ramblings will surely make even less sense if you haven’t seen the episode… and something may get spoiled for you that you don’t want spoiled. You have been warned.

So, here are the thoughts I jotted down, pretty much in order as they occurred to me as I watched:
Back to the cave, and the names. No, wait, people need to get on the plane. No, wait: I’ve stopped caring. At least my boy Sawyer has the balls to admit that this is all “ridiculous” at this point. Yay, James!

Magic darts! You never see ’em coming!

Jin was a bad man? But no marry so no sharing a room? Meanwhile, back on the beach on the island, Sun stabs things and retreats to her garden. “I remember when you first planted this,” Jack says to her. “It feels like a hundred years ago.” Amen, brother.

In another universe, Sun wears pretty bras.

See, smoke monster-Locke doesn’t want to hurt people! But they asked for it. If only they’d obeyed him, like good supplicants should, and gotten him that sandwich and beer like he asked. Christ, and would it kill them to maybe pick up around the island once in a while, damn, it’s like a pigsty around here.

Bad wig, Claire! Bad wig!

Did Jin just get transported in a Saw movie? Saw XI: The Island? Will this torture never end?

Ha ha. How can you tell when Ben is lying? His lips are moving.

Pylons. I hate those guys. They nuked the colonies and destroyed civilization and worship the One True God. Bastards.

Aw, Jin and Sun’s daughter is a real cutie-pie. Who’da thunk it?

Still and all, Nestor Carbonell is awfully pretty, isn’t he?

Tomatoe, tomatoh, let’s call the whole thing off… La la la…

(Watch full episodes at ABC’s official site for the show.)

(next: “Happily Ever After”)


MPAA: rated TV14-V

viewed at home on a small screen

official site | IMDb
posted in:
tv buzz
  • mortadella

    Nestor IS pretty. I love that he used to be Batmanuel on The Tick.

  • Pylons? Pylons?! That’s Land of the Lost stuff… that’s… that’s… oh no. I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS…

  • JoshDM

    I believe his use of the term “pylon” is a potential indicator of a lack of technological advancement, and kills my time traveller from the future theory; unless he was a child sent back in time.

  • JT

    But no marry so no sharing a room?

    Classy.

  • Lisa

    Nestor is very pretty I nearly sat thru Cane for him.

  • This is getting ridiculous, MaryAnn. Why do I keep reading these?

    I wish I could quit you!!

  • JT

    Newbs, you’re stronger than I am because I’ve been coming to this site for 7 or 8 years but I can’t stand the predictable reviews, the negativity disguised as snark, and generally dull content. It’s been bothering me for a while now, so I’m out.

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