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the film criticism aspect of cyber | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Too Much for TV: Hot Milf Secretaries’

And they say there’s nothing on TV:

Porn star Charlie Laine is used to sex on the job, but she never realized what goes on under the desks! All work and no play makes these Hot MILF Secretaries horny! Zoe, a curvy brunette, is forced to work overtime all alone and can’t help but get busy with herself. Then Charlie visits her sexy cougar friend Nikita at work. At Nikita’s office, Casual Fridays mean no panties! Watch Charlie and Nikita get it on in the break room! Finally, when three Hot MILF Secretaries and their sexy young boss, and Charlie Laine get totally naked, who can pay attention to work? This is the hottest office orgy you’ve ever seen! It’s completely uncensored and definitely TOO MUCH FOR TV!

I never worked in an office like that.

You know what’s weird. You may not be able to see it on the reduced image here, but one of the selling points on the DVD cover — apart from the starbusting nipples — is this enticement: “featuring the hottest moments from your favorite pay-per-view shows.” Is it “too much for TV” or is it straight from TV?

Oh, and Charlie Laine? She’s apparently “Wisconsin bred” — which makes her sound like a cow — and “was recently recognized for her talent with an AVN Award nomination for Best All Girl 3-Way Sex Scene.”

I bet her mom put that right on the fridge.



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  • JoshDM

    I think you need to set some limits to your topic for this feature because it’s way too easy to pick the pr0no of the week and go with that.

  • Daniel

    What Josh said.

  • JoshDM

    Also, while I understand it’s still underway, consistent tagging of similar-topic’d posts helps.

    This one is currently just tagged
    Charlie Laine | Too Much for TV Hot Milf Secretaries

    You should also add a consistent tag like “OH-NO OF THE WEEK” to help group these.

  • Brian

    “What are we going to call the new DVD, Joe?”

    “Well, let’s see. What Google search terms do people use most when looking for porn, Steve?”

    “Hmm . . . looks like we have, ‘hot,’ ‘MILF,’ ‘Secretaries,’ and ‘Too much for TV.’ ”

    “Joe, you’ve done it! Is there any way we can get ‘barely legal’ in there somewhere?”

    “Can you be both ‘barely legal’ and a ‘MILF?’ ”

    “Well, technically, yes . . . but you’ve got a point, Joe. We’ll save that one for next time.”

  • Why are you even trying to take porn seriously?

    Porn plots (everybody’s horny!) are nonsensical. Porn characters (hot office workers) are designed solely for getting it on. Porn scenery (you can do WHAT with a red stapler?) fulfills certain fetishes. That’s all. There hasn’t been an honest porn movie since… hmmm, do French erotic thrillers from the mid-80s count? Best thing to do is ignore this drivel.

    Worry more about really bad ‘traditional’ films that make it onto the cable channels every other week. Like “Mansquito” or “Uwe Boll’s Two Gentlemen of Verona” (shudder)

  • tomservo

    Do you have to be an actual mother to be a MILF? I’m not sure the MILF to mom ratio in the porn world is exactly even.

  • Paul

    Am I the only person here who doesn’t know what MILF stands for?

    And I’ve always wondered how many porn stars admit to their parents what they do for a living.

  • tomservo

    @Paul
    Haven’t you seen American Pie? MILF stands for Mother I’d Like to Fuck. Get it? Stifler’s mom was so hot.

  • Paul

    Ah, I get it. No, I never got around to seeing it. Maybe it came out when I was in my morbid period and I only watched stuff like “Six Feet Under” and “Dead Like Me.” Or my broke period when I had to be very picky about my movies and, alas, use the library instead of bookstores. Or maybe because I don’t remember any advertising that appealed to me.

  • MaryAnn

    I think you need to set some limits to your topic for this feature because it’s way too easy to pick the pr0no of the week and go with that.

    It was either this or a new Barney Easter DVD. You want that kind of punishment?

    You should also add a consistent tag like “OH-NO OF THE WEEK” to help group these.

    That had never occurred to me. I guess I figured it was in the title, so it was easily searchable. But it’s a good idea.

    Keeping track of tags and keeping them consistent is a *major* pain in the ass. And I’m nowhere there yet.

  • JoshDM

    I’d be all over a Barney Easter DVD; kids programming + religious holiday = woo. Handy Manny’s Passover Special.

  • JoshDM

    Also, that’s the idea behind tagging – proper categorization without having to explicitly create categories (doing it “the wiki way”!). It only works if it’s done correctly and consistently. The easiest way to categorize by tagging is to assign the broadest tags first, then determine just how in-depth you want to make them. I don’t think you’ll have too many posts tagged “Charlie Laine” or “Too Hot for TV Milf” etc.

  • Haven’t you seen American Pie?

    No. Though I always found it interesting that that movie’s biggest fan in my neck of the woods was a older woman who was a divorced single mom.

    Anyway, I always preferred the song of the same name.

    MILF stands for Mother I’d Like to Fuck.

    Well, aren’t most mothers women that someone wanted to fuck at one time or another? Or has there been a rash of virgin births that I’m unaware of?

    (So that explains that big glowing star in the East a few years back!)

    Seriously, I always thought MILF ranked right up there with “baby momma” and “baby daddy” as one of the stupider neologisms of the English language. But obviously no one who uses that word cares what I think…

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