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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

poster convergence: ‘Jonah Hex’ and ‘Princess Kaiulani’

In the name of the protagonist, the love interest, and the evil villain.
The trinity: always a good choice, apparently, when marketing a movie. It doesn’t matter what kind of movie. A Western action horror zombie thriller? Perfect! An anti-imperialist feminist costume drama? No problem!

Does the motif work for nonhistorical films? Of course!



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movie buzz
  • Wait, does Jonah Hex involve zombies? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I don’t recall the comic book character being heavy on the whole zombie thing. Or perhaps I missed something.

  • As I recall, Jonah Hex–at least in his original comic book version–usually fought conventional villains. True, he had some oddball enemies–the mysterious guy with the cane, an actor-turned-assassin, a Mexican bandit, etc.–but he rarely ever battled the supernatural.

    Perhaps some guy in Hollywood decided to change the guy’s storyline–because, of course, that worked so well when they did a similar stunt for The Wild, Wild West.

    Or maybe we should be just grateful that he’s not fighting a steam-powered tarantula.

  • JoshDM

    WTF where do the zombies come into that? I mean, sure it looks like crap and probably is crap, what with Megan Fox in it, but Jonah Hex is just a wild west film about a guy with severe facial scarring, nary a zombie to be seen.

  • MaryAnn

    Rumor has it that the film features a voodoo practitioner who raises an army of the undead. Sounds like zombies to me.

    The official synposis is more circumspect, but it makes Hex sound like *he’s* a zombie!

  • Arco

    Jonah Hex is going to be a crapfest. My wife and I love the comics and we were really looking forward to this. (Apart from Megan Fox, but hey…give it a chance) But then we saw the trailer…

    For those unfamiliar with the source material:
    -Jonah Hex’s origin is not yet another ‘they killed my family’ story.
    -He does not, repeat NOT have any magical ‘powers’! (Nor is he a zombie)
    -He does not have a ‘pal’ who creates gadgets and freaky guns for him.
    -He does not carry two ‘ole painless’ guns strapped to his horse!

    He’s a surly bounty hunter who gets by on his speed, skills, smarts and the sheer frakkin’ power of o’ bein’a bastard! (While being, way down, basically an good, honorable fellow, but prefers muchly not to have that pointed out)

    It’s not a good sign when the trailer alone makes smoke come out of my ears. If you don’t know the source material, it might be entertaining. Josh Brolin might be decent, and who knows, Megan Fox may actually deliver a line or two in a less than horrible fashion.

  • TommyB

    As for me, neither of those two movie titles rings a bell and I’m pretty sure that speaks for me.

    Josh Brolin might be decent, and who knows, Megan Fox may actually deliver a line or two in a less than horrible fashion.

    It’s audiences with exactly these standards that Hollywood needs to
    make money with movies these days.

  • Arco

    It’s audiences with exactly these standards that Hollywood needs to make money with movies these days.

    That’s…not really a sentence, so I can’t quite tell what you mean by that, but just to be clear: I was being sarcastic. It obviously looks like crap to me.

  • Arco

    OK sorry, that was indeed a sentence. Don’t know where my head’s at this week. Ugh this movie is giving me a headache already…

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