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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: Whose tell-all confession would actually be worth hearing?

OMG, have you heard? Rielle Hunter is going on Oprah to reveal all about her affair with John Edwards! What do you think she’ll say? Oh gosh, do you think she’ll — *gasp* — say they totally had sex and stuff?

OMG, have you read the X-rated texts Tiger Woods’ mistress Joslyn James has made public? She totally started her own Web site! Oh wow, Tiger Woods totally texted the word cock!
OMG, can you wait for Michelle “Bombshell” McGee to give us all the details on her illicit romance with Jesse James, aka Mr. Sandra Bullock? She’s already admitted that she was only with him in the hopes of getting famous, so what else will $30,000 get out of her? Do you think she saw his pee-pee?

Okay, I’m gonna go throw up now.

Whose tell-all confession would actually be worth hearing?

Maybe someone could pay George Lucas to explain just what the hell he was thinking setting a Star Wars plot revolving around a trade dispute. Perhaps Oprah or Larry King could kindly ask Kevin Smith was his major malfunction is.

What celebrity disclosure and apology does the world actually, in fact, require?

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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  • Isobel

    Nothing. I prefer to know as little as possible about actors (and random celebrities are of no interest to me whatsoever, Paris Hilton, for example, I would be happy never to hear anything of/from again).

    I always find if I know too much about an actor it messes with my suspension of disbelief and it can completely ruin things for me. Tom Cruise, for example, I can never take seriously again following the sofa-jumping incident and the various scientology stuff. Even films of his that I’d really enjoyed (like Minority Report) I now end up watching and being distracted by thinking how odd Tom Cruise is rather than enjoying the film.

  • Ken

    I’d kinda like a tell-all confession from Dick Cheney.

  • Lisa

    just to be completely shallow

    Angelina’s bodyguard

  • Actually my inner Catholic thinks it’s funny that so many people seem to be into public confessions these days–especially since it can’t help but wonder how many of these confessions are being made by the same people who think that the idea of confessing one’s sins anonymously to a stranger is weird…

  • heh. I’m reminded of this: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/2/26/

  • Daniel

    God. I mean, God has a lot to answer for, don’t you think?

  • Fuggle

    George W. Bush.

  • I’m on board with Fuggle and Ken. I want to hear the real deal on how and why politicians make their decisions. We don’t find out the truth about our foreign policy decision making process until it’s way too late, and most Americans, sometimes including myself, end up just shooting our mouths off on insufficient data, leaving us with slogans and sound bites.

  • Lisa

    Laura Bush!

  • @Lisa: But first she’d have to get a divorce, or I doubt there’s be anything really juicy in it.

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