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since 1997 | by maryann johanson

question of the weekend: If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

Via Facebook, the source of much modern pop philosophy:

If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

Mine would probably say, “Warning: May cause irritation.”

Oh, and feel free to tell me what other warning labels I need.

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD/QOTW, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTW sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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explore:

  • “Use at your own risk.”

  • I would have a Prop 65 notice that states that I am known by the state of California to cause cancer.

  • PaulW

    Warning: Always Sober. Never Sane.

  • lunarangel01

    Warning: Contents under pressure.

  • Hasimir Fenring

    Warning: Explodes on contact with stupidity.

  • Kate

    Warning: Religious? Republican? Don’t bother.

  • LaSargenta

    No Smoking, This Vehicle Carries Explosives.

    High Voltage, Faraday Suits Required

    In Case of Emergency, Provide Foot Massage

  • In case of Rapture, this vehicle will be unoccupied. ;-)

  • Worrywart: drinking may cause repeated checks of door to make sure you locked it, of your bag/purse to make sure you didn’t forget anything, and of the news to verify your sense of impending doom.

    Antidote: watching the Daily Show/Colbert Report, reading Flickfilosopher, and writing escapist fantasy. Side effects include irony and strange looks from friends.

  • for maryann: Warning: Contents Under Pressure

    for me: Warning: Adult Language, Adult Situations, Some Violence

  • amanohyo

    Adverse side effects can occur when combined with alcohol or religion
    If beef or pork is consumed, induce vomiting
    Sports and television may cause drowsiness
    Store in a cool dry library

  • Orangutan

    Caution: Keep out of direct sunlight.
    Warning: Prolonged exposure to remakes of already good movies may cause explosion.

  • Keep out of reach of children.

  • Some disclaimers:

    (Back in my old college dorm)
    – Not Pre-Med
    – Plastic Bag with Chinese Food in My Hand May Not Be a Delivery for Someone Else

    (When walking around Chinatown)
    – Does Not Speak Chinese

    (Standing in the grocery checkout line)
    – May Not Be the Next Customer, But Instead Married to Differently-Ethnic Customer in Front of Me

    (When in church with extended family)
    – May Not Be A Believer, But Just Trying to Be Polite

    (When at a formal event with mostly white folks)
    – Not Part of the Staff

    (When discussing music)
    – Intelligent Conversation About Sophisticated Shared Tastes May Not Preclude Secret Fondness for Neil Diamond

    (In general)
    – Warning: Unlikely to Fit Any Casual Assumptions

  • Medi-Alert Bracelet: Allergic to Stupidity.

  • Some disclaimers:

    (Back in my old college dorm)
    – Not Pre-Med
    – Plastic Bag with Chinese Food in My Hand May Not Be a Delivery for Someone Else

    (When walking around Chinatown)
    – Does Not Speak Chinese

    (Standing in the grocery checkout line)
    – May Not Be the Next Customer, But Instead Married to Differently-Ethnic Customer in Front of Me

    (When in church with extended family)
    – May Not Be A Believer, But Just Trying to Be Polite

    (When at a formal event with mostly white folks)
    – Not Part of the Staff

    Oh, we could all use some of these:

    – Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Ethnic Jokes

    – Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Comments About Illegal Aliens

    – Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have Relatives Who Do Look Mexican–And a Lot of Them Are Cops

    – The Color of My Skin Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Views on Black Welfare Recipients

    – Just Because I’m Not Carrying a Cross, a Bible or a Rosary Right Now Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Religious Propaganda

    – As Far as You Know, I May Already Know the Lord

    – Just Because I Don’t Look Polish Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Polish Jokes

    – You Don’t Stare at My Date and I Won’t Stare at Yours

    – Just Because I Look Straight Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Gay Jokes

    – Just Because I Don’t Look Straight Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Gay Jokes

    – If It’s Not Worth Your Trouble to Wait On Me, Then It’s Not Worth My Trouble To Patronize Your Place of Business

  • markyd

    Warning: You WILL be judged.

    Warning: Wearer is daydreaming about doing anything but listening to your nonsense.

    Warning: I like my plants more than you.

    Warning: Mentioning your religion will result in sudden disinterest in anything you have to say.

    Warning: Wearer thinks your music sucks and should be banned from the planet.

  • Premenstral: Step away from that Mars bar and no one gets hurt.

  • Warning: can’t spell when premenstrual.

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