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such a nasty woman | by maryann johanson

because ugly-ass vampire diamond chips are a girl’s best friend

It gives a whole new meaning to the term “blood diamond”! Now, boys with terrifyingly fangirly fiancées can give their one-true-love — you know, the one who’s more in love with a fictional vampire than with the not-undead man right in front of them — the engagement ring of their dreams:

Experience your romance with Edward Cullen in a whole new way when you slip on Bella’s Engagement RingTM! You’ll love showing off the radiant stones in this elegant, domed-oval, gold ring. In true Victorian-era design, your ring is created by master artisans with an open-work gallery and a finely polished edge that surrounds the brilliant faceted stones. How exciting for you to own the only, Original, Bella’s Engagement RingTM in the world! We are pleased to offer this beautiful ring in three versions to suit your style and pocketbook: Fashion, Fine, and Genuine.

The Genuine ring is regularly $1,999, but it’s on sale at the moment for $1,979. Oh, and it comes with a “keepsake box,” so you know you’re getting a good deal. (Cheap-ass gentlemen can spring instead for the Fine version — regularly $499, now only $479! — or the Fashion version: normally $59, on sale for $35.)

Any guy looking to propose with one of these rings might want to ensure that their ladyloves do not read the sales copy, lest those ladies become confused and believe the ring means they’re getting engaged to Edward Cullen.

This thing isn’t quite the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen:

But it’s definitely ranked.

This has been your WTF Thought for the Day.

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easter eggs
  • Gospodin Dangling-Participle

    If I’d seen that without context, I’d’ve guessed that it was a championship ring from an early Super Bowl.

  • isobel

    Oh I don’t know – that’s pretty darn ugly! Victorian era? On what planet?

  • Dave

    Why does marketing never surprise me anymore? Am I that jaded? Plus I guarantee that they sell a ton of the cheapest ones and that at least one poor guy is guilted into buying the $2000 monster.

  • LaSargenta

    Why is this not just added into this thread: http://www.flickfilosopher.com/blog/2010/04/041910question_of_the_day_whats_the.html ? Hmmmm?

    It is too ugly to merit its own posting!

  • Hasimir Fenring

    Reasons are piling up for me to go forward with my idea of blogging Twilight in the tradition of Fred Clark over at Slacktivist. Not that Twilight even approaches the Left Behind series in badness (as, really, what could?), but I think it does say a lot about our culture. The question is, does anyone care what I have to say about it? I mean, I don’t even have a degree in English!

    Oh, and do click through to the page. I know it’s hard to believe, but the ring is actually uglier when worn.

  • Kenny

    For just a month and a half’s wages, you too can have a creepy ass spider face on your finger!

  • I_Sell_Books

    I personally love the ‘tm’ part of “Bella’s Engagement RingTM”.

    Because nothing says ‘unique’ like a trademark.

  • I’m groving on the “genuine” part. If those diamonds were genuine, you’d be adding a zero or two to that price tag. Of course, they are careful to never call them diamonds. Stones? Here, honey, have a pebble.

    The mark up on the “genuine” one must be insane. If I was rich, I’d buy one of each just to see if they are any difference, or if I’d paid an extra grand for a box.

    Now I’m flash backing to the $400 someone was charging at a Star Trek con for a “genuine” Klingon batleth. I’m guessing it was genuinely used as a prop on the show.

    And how can something called the “only” come in three different versions? The lawyers and sales reps must have really put their heads together.

  • Janet

    You gotta be kidding me?

    This is a joke right?


    That is the butt ugliest ring I have ever seen. With or without trademark

  • Leslie Carr

    Is this how vampires sparkle?

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