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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

caption this! image from ‘Beastly’

Fun for Wednesdays! We look at an image from an upcoming movie or TV show and write snarky, witty, or otherwise entertaining captions for it. No prizes, it’s just for fun.

“No, seriously, I’ve been thinking of getting a scabrous-leper tattoo job for months — it’s totally hot for prom!”:


CBS Films tells us about the movie:

“Beastly” is an edgy teen romance about learning how to see past false surfaces to discover true inner beauty.

Kyle Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) has it all – looks, intelligence, wealth and opportunity – and a wicked cruel streak. Prone to mocking and humiliating “aggressively unattractive” classmates, he zeroes in on Goth classmate Kendra, inviting her to the school’s extravagant environmental bash. Kendra accepts, and, true to form, Kyle blows her off in a particularly savage fashion. She retaliates by casting a spell that physically transforms him into everything he despises. Enraged by his horrible and unrecognizable appearance he confronts Kendra and learns that the only solution to the curse is to find someone that will love him as he is – a task he considers impossible.

Repulsed by his appearance, Kyle’s callous father banishes him to Brooklyn with a sympathetic housekeeper (Lisa Gay Hamilton) and blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris). As Kyle ponders how to overcome the curse and get his old life back, he chances upon a drug addict in the act of killing a threatening dealer. Seizing the opportunity, Kyle promises the addict freedom and safety for his daughter Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens) if she will consent to live in Kyle’s Brooklyn home. Thus begins Kyle’s journey to discover true love in this hyper-modern retelling of the classic “Beauty and the Beast” story

Beastly opens in the U.S. and Canada on July 30, and in the U.K. on October 15.

Visit Beastly’s IMDB page or official site for more info.

Caption away…



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  • Dave

    I know you loved the new Star Trek movie but it’s time to take the Romulan makeup off. The convention was two weeks ago.

  • scurvy

    Have you ever…been with a normal before? You’ve got a lot to learn about the surface world.

  • Brian

    Steve couldn’t decide whether to be Mike Tyson or Robert DeNiro’s Frankenstein for Halloween. Eventually, he decided to try both.

  • Muzz

    Oh, the pain of it all. The scars and scales I could live with. At least I could still get clothes to fit. But this extra hand and head is just too much!

  • Pat Mustard

    “So just where is your OTHER hand, then?”

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