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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

new this week in U.S., Canadian, and U.K. theaters: ‘Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time,’ ‘Sex and the City 2,’ ‘The Losers,’ ‘[REC] 2,’ more

U.S. AND CANADA/OPENING WIDE

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: It’s tanking in the U.K., and now it gets a shot at tanking in North America. [trailer] review to come

If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:

Big Trouble in Little China (1986): In which Kurt Russell goes up against an ancient sorcerer without benefit of being able to Save Game.
The Mummy (1999): Lots of adventurous shifting sands in this one, too.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001): An excellent example of why videogame movies are so boring while simultaneously being so loud.
Jarhead (2005): More buff Gyllenhaal as a modern-day warrior. No magical artifacts, though — sorry.

Sex and the City 2: Shoes, clothes, shopping, and general decadence. [trailer]

If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:

• some of Sex and the City (1998-2004): Apparently the TV series is much smarter and much wiser than the movies, though that’s hard to imagine.
27 Dresses (2008): For yet another array of female idiocy celebrated as feminine ideals.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005): It’s like Sex and the City Babies, about four BFFs and their incipient romantic adventures.
The Family Stone (2005): For Sarah Jessica Parker as a much more likable spoiled-rotten Manhattanite who has to learn to cope with her fiancé’s family.
U.S. AND CANADA/OPENING LIMITED

Micmacs: Another jape from the director of Amelie. review to come

George A. Romero’s Survival of the Dead: When he promised us undead, he really wasn’t kidding — this franchise shows no sign of ending. Ever. review to come

U.K.

Sex and the City 2: See above.

The Losers: Like a lost 80s action comedy TV series fallen through a wormhole, and I mean in the best possible way.

If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:

• some of MacGyver (1985-1992): The Losers makes explicit reference to Richard Dean Anderson’s classic 80s one-man covert ops team.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009): For more explosions and more preposterousness, if less sense and less charm.
Narc (2002): For another side of Jason Patric (he’s the scene-stealing bad guy in The Losers); here he’s a conflicted cop.
Very Bad Things (1998): For even blacker black comedy from screenwriter Peter Berg, about a bachelor party in Vegas that goes sour.

Tooth Fairy: Dwayne Johnson as the titular entity, and it’s about as much run as root canal.

If you can’t make it to the multiplex, try:

Darkness Falls (2003): A slasher horror movie about the Tooth Fairy, which is, ironically, funnier than Tooth Fairy, which is intended as a comedy and is simply horrific.
Connie and Carla (2004): For more of the nightmares that director Michael Lembeck can inflict; this misfire of a gender-bending comedy is about two idiots (Nia Vardalos and Toni Collette) who hide out from mobsters, by pretending to be male drag queens. (It’s even worse than it sounds.)
The Game Plan (2007): For more of Dwayne Johnson humiliating himself, as a football player saddled with a frilly pink surprise daughter.
Jack Frost (1998): Perhaps the most unintentionally horrifying example ever of human possession of a fantastical creature: the ghost of Michael Keaton inhabits a snowman. The creepiness factor is off the scale.

[REC] 2: The sequel to the inventive Spanish zombie horror flick. review to come

No Impact Man: Ironically revealing documentary about a well-off New Yorker who tries to dramatically reduce his footprint on the environment.


Where to buy/watch:
Big Trouble in Little China [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Connie and Carla [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Darkness Falls [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Family Stone [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Game Plan [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Jack Frost [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Jarhead [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
MacGyver: Season One [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Mummy [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Narc [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Sex and the City: The Complete First Season [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
27 Dresses [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]
Very Bad Things [Region 1/U.S.] [Region 1/Can.] [Region 2]



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