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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

poster convergence: ‘Splice’ and ‘Showgirls’ / ‘Splice’ and ‘James and the Giant Peach’

A Friday two-fer!

Cuz naked chicks are always sexy, even when they’re evil murderous mutants.
The geeks at BeyondHollywood.com wonder how it could be humanly possible not to be turned on by this Russian poster for Splice:

Who doesn’t want to see a half-naked bald woman with a long tail lying across an illuminated table? Don’t lie — you know you can’t stop looking at it.

Here’s a clue, guys: Not everyone is a heterosexual male. I know that’s difficult to wrap your brains around, but give it a try.

And for sci-fi cuteness, try this one. Isn’t Dren simply adorable?

You know, for kids! (Holy crap, is Splice ever not for kids. Please do not take children to this movie.)



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  • Re: the Russian poster. There ARE some girls who are into that sort of thing too.

    Cuz naked chicks are always sexy, even when they’re evil murderous mutants

    Wait, wasshername from Showgirls was a mutant? That explained the licking-the-unhygenic-pole scene.

  • Rob

    The thing I can’t get over with the name “Dren” is that on Farscape, it was the alien word for “crap.”

  • Maura

    The thing I can’t get over with the name “Dren” is that on Farscape, it was the alien word for “crap.”

    Apparently the movie reason for it is that it’s “nerd” backwards. NO REALLY.

  • Michael

    The thing I can’t get over with the name “Dren” is that on Farscape, it was the alien word for “crap.”

    So it’s not just me, then. ;)

  • MaryAnn

    Re: the Russian poster. There ARE some girls who are into that sort of thing too.

    Yes, of course. (Though not many, percentagewise.) And I have no doubt that the writer of that BeyondHollywood.com piece was not thinking about that.

  • Huh, your reading may be right, but I read that BeyondHollywood piece as tongue-in-cheek. I’m not familiar with the site, though, so I couldn’t say for sure.

  • Chuck

    I agree with the Shrimp, I think that they were being facetious.

  • Daniel

    I think the article is best read in the tone of voice that one might use to say, “Admit it. Ann Coulter is kind of hot”: astounded, disturbed, but faintly amused.

    But what bothers me about the article is the phrase “half-naked.” Clearly, she’s entirely naked.

  • MaryAnn

    I agree with the Shrimp, I think that they were being facetious.

    I think they want to be taken both ways: that they’re joking, but that they also think that image is totally hot.

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