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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Adopted’

Remember, this is meant to make you want to see the movie:

For hundreds of years, Africa has existed in a state of despair Famine, civil wars and rampant disease have left the continent without hope, but for the efforts of Western do-gooders. At first, they arrived with food, bibles and the magic of penicillin; more recently they have hosted rock concerts and sent plane loads of grain. And in the last decade of the 20th century they arrived and took babies home with them. First there was Angelina, then Madonna, and now…Pauly Shore!

Want to hear something scary? Not only does this movie star Pauly Shore, he also wrote, directed, and produced it. It is a full and all-encompassing expression of Pauly Shore-ness.

More, from a press release:

In ADOPTED, Pauly believes that he can leave his playboy past behind for good and start an instant family – as many other stars have done. After getting help from a social worker friend, Pauly practices fatherhood by taking an orphan-a-day while he explores a strange country full of weird and wonderful people, with disastrous and side-splittingly funny results. Meeting real people in actual chaotic situations along the way, he stumbles along the adoption trail, stepping on toes and poking fun at the current fascination with celebrity adoptions.

Pauly Shore as a playboy may be the oh-no!-est thing about this. Unless it’s the news that it’s meant to be “politically incorrect and hysterically funny”… *shudder*



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  • Knightgee

    Ugh, where to even begin:

    After getting help from a social worker friend, Pauly practices fatherhood by taking an orphan-a-day

    Because black babies are totally buyable, interchangeable and exchangable, like the latest purse or trendy handbag.

    while he explores a strange country full of weird and wonderful people,

    Well I would almost find this racist, but no, they put “wonderful people” on the end, so the fact that Africans are once again othered and made to seem freakish and strange for the sake of “humor” is made a-okay, so long as we know those savages are actually secretly noble and wonderful.

  • kathleen

    this hurts my soul. Oh Pauly.Bad, bad idea. I would ask if they were giving profits to the needy but then I am pretty sure Pauly is needing the money pretty bad and …well… I can’t imagine there WOULD be profits.

  • kat

    For hundreds of years, Africa has existed in a state of despair Famine, civil wars and rampant disease have left the continent without hope, but for the efforts of Western do-gooders.

    The 19th century sent a telegraph, it would like to have colonialism back.

  • Accounting Ninja

    Anyone who waxes philosophical about us being in a post-racist world deserves to be pummeled with copies of this DVD.

    Oh, and the grammar from the synopsis is atrocious.

    The magic of penicillin. Fuck you, Shore.

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