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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Nuclear Hurricane’

A Sci Fi Channel original, of course (from back before it was Syfy):

At a nuclear power plant, the cooling system becomes a problem when the mother of all storms is headed straight towards it. As the hurricane gets stronger, and with the nuclear core in serious danger of meltdown, time is not on it’s side. The workers have to thwart nature’s fury to help prevent a catastrophe.

I call bullshit on that title. It clearly implies that the hurricane is nuclear in nature, which appears not to be the case. That title makes me want a movie about, I dunno, terrorists who set off a stolen Russian nuke in the Caribbean that somehow sets off a hurricane that is pushing a radioactive storm surge toward Florida. And only a hero played by that guy who was in that WB show about the teenagers can stop it! Also starring that pretty girl from the one-season-wonder CBS sitcom as the meteorologist who falls in love with him, and that old dude from that 80s cop show as the renegade scientist with a crazy idea that just might work.



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  • History of Bubbles

    That’s… simply the worst plot blurb I’ve ever seen. Is that really official?

    At a nuclear power plant, the cooling system becomes a problem when the mother of all storms is headed straight towards it.

    Ouch, I feel bruised. Reading that sentence is like falling down a staircase.

    As the hurricane gets stronger, and with the nuclear core in serious danger of meltdown, time is not on it’s side.

    Whose side isn’t time on? The hurricane, or the nuclear core? Some unmentioned entity? To say nothing of “it’s.”

    Here’s my alternate suggestion:

    “The mother of all storms is headed straight for a nuclear power plant, setting workers in a race against time to thwart nature’s fury and prevent nuclear catastrophe.”

    You’re welcome, SyFy. Next one isn’t free.

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