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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

wtf: Syfy wants us viewers to create one of its Saturday night original films

Can it possibly get any better (ie: worse) that Stonehenge Apocalypse? The geek mind boggles… and eagerly awaits the results of Syfy’s latest experiment.

From a press release (I wanted to cut it down, but it’s all so horrifying and delicious):

New York, NY – June 22, 2010 – Want to create the next mega-Syfy Saturday Original Movie? Beginning Friday, June 25, Syfy and IGN.com will launch an imaginative, innovative online production site enabling fans a unique opportunity to build – from start to finish – a movie that will air on Syfy in 2011.

B Movie Mogul allows users to select everything from the movie concept, title, creatures, wardrobe, dialogue and promotional taglines to how a character gets killed – even the character’s final words!

Online “producers” will also have access to development and production meetings through updates written by both IGN and Syfy executives, as well as being the first to see initial creature designs and artwork.

Kicking off before the Saturday, June 26 premiere of the highly anticipated Saturday Original Movie Dinocroc vs Supergator – produced by B Movie cult icon Roger Corman – B Movie Mogul begins with a six week voting period. Fans can choose among the following initial story concepts, which are major tenets of the science fiction genre:

BERMUDA TRIANGLE

When the President’s plane goes down in the Bermuda Triangle, a rescue force discovers that the cause of unexplained disappearances is not an electromagnetic force or weather anomalies – it’s a monstrous alien creature.

ROSWELL

In 1947, something crash-landed in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico. Pieces of the strange craft were found, photographed and quickly confiscated by the U.S. government – but no one ever talks about the living creature that was recovered from the site.

2012

On December 21st in the last year of the Mayan calendar, something thought long dead rises to live again – and that means trouble for civilization.

The winning movie concept will be announced during the Saturday, August 14 Saturday Original Movie. Once the movie has been chosen, fans will continue creating the movie by selecting specific details about character and plot, revising these broad concepts to provide a fresh perspective on these genre staples.

Titles! We need titles! A few suggestions:

Snakes on a Starship
Super Dinomansquioto
Wormhole Tornado Apocalypse
Atomic World Cup



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  • Magess

    Actors? Can we select actors? I want Misha to have another go.

    This is going to be great and awful. It’ll sort of ruin the surprise because we’ll have picked out all of the details beforehand, though.

  • CB

    2012

    On December 21st in the last year of the Mayan calendar, something thought long dead rises to live again – and that means trouble for civilization.

    Can the earth withstand the return of… Disco?!

  • MaryAnn

    It’ll sort of ruin the surprise because we’ll have picked out all of the details beforehand, though.

    Oh, no, there will be new awfulness to be found in terrible performances (because even good actors are required to turn in terrible performances in these movies), in terrible FX, and in terrible direction.

    Maybe Syfy has it right: this is just like extra foreplay.

  • Orangutan

    Can anything every ptruly ptop the Ptowering Pterror of Pterodactyl??

  • Are we stuck with the three options of plotline: Bermuda Triangle? That’s sooooo 1976. Roswell? Been done. 2012? Won’t the original filmmakers of 2012 sue us?

    Movie titles:
    Dawn of the Doom
    Doombringer of Titan
    Megaplaytpus vs. The Smoke Monster of Hanging Rock
    Darkness Code: Rage of the Cyberpresident 2028.

  • You know, a remake of Frankenstein vs. The Space Monster wouldn’t be too bad all things considered…

  • Magess

    Oh, no, there will be new awfulness to be found in terrible performances (because even good actors are required to turn in terrible performances in these movies)

    I am firmly convinced that Ian McKellen and Judi Dench couldn’t make a good Syfy Original.

  • bronxbee

    …the highly anticipated Saturday Original Movie Dinocroc vs Supergator…

    this is my favorite (?) line in the press release… because… i watch SyFy quite a bit, and don’t remember an ad for this “highly anticipated” movie. (is it because we zap through the commercials on fridays, MAJ?)

  • JoshDM

    Direct-to-SyFy sequel “Teeth 2 : The Kegeling”

  • “Fans can choose among the following initial story concepts, which are major tenets of the science fiction” B movie, 1950s crap “genre.”

    There’s a board game called “Axis and Allies,” in which you replay WWII. My father always said the game’s primary flaw is that it begins after Germany already made it’s biggest mistake: the invasion of Russia.

    This is the movie making equivilent.

  • Hank Graham

    Well, it is recognized that nothing says, “Suck,” like a SyFy Original. How could the lowest common denominator mind do any worse?

  • RogerBW

    PaulW, not forgetting the sequel Megaplatypus vs Giant Moose.

    Anyway, why not combine all three concepts? The Roswell alien was on its way to fight the Bermuda Triangle creature, but was shot down; now its buddies are coming out of their deep-earth hibernation vaults to find out what happened.

  • RogerBW: MegaPlatypus must meet his moosey fate!

    HankGraham: omg, you nailed it. “Suck”. The. Best. Syfy movie title. EVER.

  • Jurgan

    Roger Corman’s still alive? News to me.

  • MaryAnn

    (is it because we zap through the commercials on fridays, MAJ?)

    We don’t zip through the cool commercials, like the hilarious ads for *Eureka* with Fargo as a Terminator and Jack as a film noir PI…

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