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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

wtf: you too can be a Disney princess at your own wedding

Disney has a line of bridal crap. Someone please pinch me, because I must be dreaming. Every girl may spend her entire life fantasizing about her wedding day, but I’ve spend my entire life fantasizing about my cartoon wedding day. That will limit my choice of groom to, like Buzz Lightyear and the Iron Giant, but hey: a girl should make sure to follow her dreams, right?

And so what if that dream is a sad, sad example of letting a globocorp dictate what your wedding looks like? Instead of a wedding that’s all about you and your personality, you can instead choose from “a line that captures the unique spirit and beauty of each Disney Princess.” No one really cares about your unique spirit and beauty anyway.

AOL Shopping very helpfully offers a guide to deciding which Disney princess you are, in case you’re so weak-willed that you’re unable to decide whether you identify with a cartoon character or not:

You know what, though? If a gal is a “non-conforming free-thinker” like Belle, she’s probably not going to deck herself out is an overpriced Halloween costume for her wedding. Hell, she might not even get married at all.

I look forward to Disney’s line of wedding wear for men. Who wouldn’t want a groom who dressed like John Smith? Nothing says “festive nuptials” like 17th-century European colonial imperialism!

(via Jezebel)



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  • kathleen

    I have seen those before . The thing is – they just look like every other wedding dress. I don’t see how they represent Belle or Jasmine or Cinderella really. They just attached a princess name to a few dresses and said there ya go.

    I don’t think they look like overpriced halloween costumes but they also don’t seem to really have anything to do with the disney princesses either.

  • Magess

    It took me awhile to figure out that Red Label meant plus size…

    That being said, some of them are nice gowns. I liked some of the Ariel designs. They don’t particularly scream being affiliated with Disney or any of the princesses in particular just by looking at them. I don’t think you’d know if they were just sold in the bridal shop next to all the others.

  • Well, I did see a video clip of a “Star Trek” wedding once, so what the hell. Both the minister and the groom wore the uniforms from “Wrath of Khan” and the bride wore Vulcan ears along with a regular dress. They were married “before God and Star Fleet.”

    It might go over better in Japan; Barbie outfits were quite the fashion for adult Japanese women back in the 80s. Then again, that might have just been a kind of cosplay… they even have cafes that cater to cosplay by having the waitresses dress up as anime characters. Apparently there’s a branch of anime popular with Japanese women about effeminate gay men, and cafes for them, too, in which the waitresses dress up as effeminate gay men.

    But by now I’m way off topic.

  • CB

    You know what, though? If a gal is a “non-conforming free-thinker” like Belle, she’s probably not going to deck herself out is an overpriced Halloween costume for her wedding.

    Exactly, but it probably sounds fantastic if you like to think of yourself as a free-thinker when you are anything but. This is the bridal equivalent of demonstrating your non-conformity by buying all your clothes at Hot Topic.

    I envision the same kind of person saying “I’m above the superficiality of looks, but I’m also totally gorgeous. I’m so Belle!”

  • Lady Tenar

    You know what, though? If a gal is a “non-conforming free-thinker” like Belle, she’s probably not going to deck herself out is an overpriced Halloween costume for her wedding.

    Word, MAJ. Belle was a total hero to me when “Beauty in the Beast” came out when I was little and I’ve never stopped identifying with her. And I agree, the true Belles of the world wouldn’t be caught dead having Disney design their weddings (if they even want them).

    The thing is – they just look like every other wedding dress. I don’t see how they represent Belle or Jasmine or Cinderella really. They just attached a princess name to a few dresses and said there ya go.

    Yeah, that’s marketing for ya…

  • Lady Tenar

    whoops, that’s “Beauty AND the Beast”

  • Orangutan

    @Lady Tear: That typo could actually make for an interesting theme for a photoset. Mind if I steal it? I’ll credit you if/when I get them up somewhere. :)

  • JoshB

    “Beauty in the Beast”

    That typo could actually make for an interesting theme for a photoset

    The first mental picture I got was Belle popping out of the Beast chestburster style.

  • This is where the Betazeds are superior to silly Humans: they don’t have to worry about bridal dresses… or groom tuxes… or, well, anything worth wearing. No socks though. They ought to reconsider *that*…

  • Lady Tenar

    @ Orangutan–Be my guest. Haha, get it?

    @ PaulW–Yeah, maybe the Betazoids do have it right. Their method certainly simplifies things. Although I also think they’re smart to ditch the socks along with everything else. Naked with socks is never a good idea.

  • Bill

    And why don’t they look more like Halloween costumes? Of the few women I know that would want Disney anywhere near their wedding, I think most would rather an over-the-top fancy dress sort of thing. Something right out of the cartoon. But a normal, nice looking gown from the Belle collection? I mean, this is so silly and tacky, and not in a good way.

  • spaghetteve

    I for one am looking forward to the Disney line of coffins.

  • RyanT

    It’d be great if they have a line inspired by Disney villains. I bet lots of women would love to try out the Maleficent collection or the Ursula collection. I’m a little unsure about the stepmother/ugly stepsister.

    And where are the collection for guys? Would like to see how they’d create a collection for Prince Eric, Aladdin, the Beast, Prince Charming, Prince Phillip… or better yet I’d want to see the Seven Dwarfs Collection!

  • MaryAnn

    I for one am looking forward to the Disney line of coffins.

    You kid, but: Disney Funerals. It’s coming…

  • I bet lots of women would love to try out the Maleficent collection or the Ursula collection.

    Given the number of people who post online video tributes to the characters of The Nightmare Before Christmas and Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride, I’m surprised the female characters from those two movies aren’t being represented on that Disney wedding site. Does the great and powerful Disney have that much disdain for the Gothic wedding market?

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