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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

deep thought (re ‘Thor’)

We have learned nothing from the horror that is Clash of the Titans.



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  • Oh dear.

  • You’re not taking into account the fact that Thor is actually awesome and totally worth the silliness, though.

  • MaryAnn

    I would have said, based on the 1981 *Clash of the Titans,* that Perseus was worth it, too. :-(

  • P.

    I’m just happy to see Kenneth Branagh direct ANYTHING.

  • Lisa

    They look like Power Rangers

    He dropped out of directing Hamlet for this?

  • Nate

    They look like Power Rangers

    He dropped out of directing Hamlet for this?

    He’s already directed Hamlet. Do we really need another Shakespeare adaptation?

  • He’s already directed Hamlet…

    And starred!

    Hamlet has its place, and the world would be worse off without it. But Thor has its place too, and it deserves to be made.

  • Nate

    …anyway, I’m pretty sure that the costume designs were the least of Clash of the Titans‘ problems

  • nyjm

    What’s with the plastic-looking trend in superhero costumes these days? Even Spiderman’s and Superman’s latest costumes look like they were made from the same materials as D&D miniatures. Are they supposed to appear hopelessly fake? Those materials don’t look like they could stop a decent punch, much less a weapon…

  • Chris

    Their armor looks stupid, regardless of material; why do they have to go all “futuristic?” Not that the original Thor is period-correct, or anything, but still

  • Lisa

    The armour is horrible – still it can be cheaply replicated for the kids. It’s a bit Flash Gordony camp. It looks like a spoof of Clash of the 300 Titans.

    Yes I know he directed Hamlet on and off screen (you can actually go and watch his performance on stage at the V & A Archives in London) but he dropped out of directing Jude Law at the Wyndham … which is probably why it sucked.

  • Is that…Anthony Hopkins????

  • vucubcaquix

    Yes, I do believe that is Anthony Hopkins…

  • MaSch

    Hmm, wondering who that dude on the left is. If it were Thor, he probably would have a hamm –

    Wait, *that* piece of plastic junk is meant to be Thor’s Hammer? *Insert big No here*

  • TommyB

    Hmm, wondering who that dude on the left is. If it were Thor, he probably would have a hamm –

    Wait, *that* piece of plastic junk is meant to be Thor’s Hammer? *Insert big No here*

    Oooh, I’m sure you’re right.
    I’m guessing that Anthony Hopkins plays Odin and the guys behind him are Thor on the left and Loki on the right.
    I have to admit reading many Marvel comics in the 70s.

    That movie must be a joke. Just like Lisa, I thought of Flash Gordon looking at the picture.
    The haircuts look like from the 80’s.
    More ‘Beastmaster’, anyone?

  • MaSch

    Tommy, my main point was that Thor’s effing Hammer looks like a child’s toy hammer in that picture. Can’t wrap my head around that …

  • If it hasn’t been done already, I’m about to ruin the Thor movie-watching experience for everyone:

    Why does Thor have Dalek bumps on his armor?

  • Rusty Broomhandle

    Yeah, after the cool design of the Cap. America costume, this looks more than a bit silly.

    I’m hoping that in post production, with proper lighting and sets, it won’t look quite so plasticy.

  • Paul

    I have this image of the Norse gods sitting around complaining about wearing the same damn armor for a couple thousand years.

    “Hey, we’re gods. Why don’t we up grade to advanced materials that can actually stop bullets while still shining with post-modern awareness of what jerks we heroes often are instead of these heavy old iron jobs that couldn’t even stop a crossbow bolt?”

  • That is Anthony Hopkins as Odin. It was originally BRIAN BLESSED but I guess he blew out the speakers WITH HIS INCREDIBLY PROFOUND VOICE.

    This is a comic-book movie, not an actual Norse mythos movie. It’s supposed to be garish and nonsensical. Someone needs to visit a comic-con and hang out with the Marvel fanboys.

  • I don’t know, Anthony Hopkins with flowing hair and a gold eye-patch? I’m in.

  • JoshDM

    This is a tie-in to Iron Man, so the super-hero-sity is to be expected.

    Re-read PaulW’s last 3 sentences in the prior post.

  • If it hasn’t been done already, I’m about to ruin the Thor movie-watching experience for everyone:

    Why does Thor have Dalek bumps on his armor?

    Ruin? That just makes it awesome!!

  • CB

    Yeah it’s a comic book movie, but recent history has shown that comic book movies don’t have to be silly and retarded. In particular, to make a good comic book movie, it’s important to tone down some of the aspects that work in comic format, but look ridiculous in live-action movie format. Remember that line from X-Men? “What would you have preferred — yellow spandex?”

    On a similar note, while yes I understand he was part of the Avengers (and is really cool), I think Thor is a bad choice for an Avengers movie tie-in. The super-science of Iron Man, Hulk, and Captain America is fantastical, yes, but there’s really only one leap of faith on the part of the audience to tie them together — genius super-scientists can create people/machines with amazing powers (sometimes on accident). “Oh, and the Norse Gods are actually real!” is a completely different premise to mesh with the existing one. It’ll be ever more jarring than trying to introduce the X-Men into the same series of movies.

    I know they all co-exist in the Marvel universe, plus aliens and extra-dimensional beings and even more crazy stuff. And frankly the Marvel universe is a mess. :P

  • misterb

    If they are going to make a movie about Norse gods, they should make “American Gods” (Neil Gaiman). Anything else is a cop out.

  • I was really afraid they were going to get Thor wrong—even more so now.

    But speaking of stories about the norse gods I’d like to see them make a movie of David Brin’s THOR MEETS CAPTAIN AMERICA (it’s not about the Marvel characters—-it’s about an ongoing war with the Nazi’s where the Nazi’s have the Norse Gods, or possibly alien or extra-dimensional beings pretending to be Norse Gods, on their side).

  • Paul

    “Thor Meets Captain America” was an awesome short story. I can’t even begin to explain how awesome without giving out spoilers. He should have expanded it into a novel.

  • Anthony Hopkins as Odin? Did we learn nothing from The Wolfman?

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