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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

wtf: ‘Hunchback of Notre Dame’ done up funny

Just when you think the shamelessness and the senselessness of Hollywood can’t possibly get any shamelesser or senselesser, Variety is there to correct this misapprehension:

Paramount has snagged an untitled action/comedy pitch from the scripting team of Will Block and Jake Emanuel for Lorenzo Di Bonaventura to produce.

Story is based on the framework from Victor Hugo’s original “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” Hugo’s novel, published in 1831, is set in the 15th century and centers on the tragic romance between Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and the gypsy woman Esmeralda.

Surely this will pave the way for all the other long-awaited action-comedy adaptations from literature, including The Count of Monte Cristo starring Will Farrell and Adam Sandler, Medea starring Tina Fey, The Confessions of Saint Augustine starring Steve Carell, Hamlet starring Russell Brand (with Bruce Willis as Claudius), The Great Gatsby starring Ashton Kutcher and Mark Wahlberg, and Michael Bay’s hil-air explosion-packed adaptation of Camus’s The Stranger.



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  • CB

    Can we get Orlando as a wise-cracking sword-fighting swashbuckler (as both man and woman)? With an immortal talking dog sidekick?

  • I have to admit… I would watch Tina Fey as Medea

  • Chris

    Tyler Perry’s Medea

  • Dokeo

    Didn’t Disney already break the Hunchback/Comedy barrier a long time ago?

  • MaSch

    centers on the tragic romance between Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and the gypsy woman Esmeralda.

    No, it doesn’t. In fact, it does *so* not, it ain’t even funny anymore.

    Oh, and my pitch: The Sound and the Funny , based on Faulkner.

  • Proust’s In Search of Lost Time directed by Judd Apatow and starring Michael Cera, Bill Murray, Beyonce and Kiefer Sutherland as Sigmund Freud.

  • RogerBW

    Jack Slater’s Hamlet, of course.

    And, of course…

    “Long ago, three friends made a promise.”

    (Soft-focus yellow-lit CU on three joined hands, shaking.)

    “Today, one man is going to keep it.”

    (Ext. city street. Two men sit at a bus stop. Ground starts to shake.)

    “No matter what gets in his way.”

    (GIANT ROBOT bursts out of nearby skyscraper, trades gunshots and missiles with entire US Air Force.)

    BLACK. Then text:

    Waiting
    for
    Godot

    from Roland Emmerich

  • MaSch

    @Roger: I’m not prone to wildly screaming around in the internet, but …

    YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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