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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

on my radar: opening 08.18-20.10 in U.K. theaters

Marmaduke
Be afraid, England. You may not be familiar with the desperately unfunny one-panel newspaper comic this is based on, but know that this could well be the worst possible movie adaptation of it. Suitable for neither children, nor adults, nor dogs. (my review)

The Expendables
Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham and Jet Li and Santa Claus and Napoleon and Alexander the Great and Hannibal and Jesus and every other badass in history make sure stuff blows up real good, and often. (my review)

Salt
Anything it takes Stallone and a gang of badasses to do, Angelina Jolie can do all on her own. (my review)

Piranha 3D
One fish, two fish, red fish– Oh my god that’s blood. (See also this hilarious tidbit about a metaphoric bloodsucker in the film.) [trailer]
The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
It’s Nazi Doctor Experimentation: The Movie. It might be time to implement some Nuremburg trials for filmmakers… (my review)

Mother (Madeo)
If you thought the monster from Joon-ho Bong’s The Host was scary, wait till you see what happens when a mild-mannered mom gets motivated to protect her son. (my review)



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