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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

trailer break: ‘Piranha 3D’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer…


What the hell? This cheesy end-of-summer, August-dumping-ground 3D horror movie is chock full of actors you’ve actually heard of: Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O’Connell. It’s from director Alexandre Aja, who made the very good The Hills Have Eyes and the excellent High Tension.

But it’s not screening for critics.

It must be even worse than it seems…

Piranha 3D opens in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. on August 20.



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movie buzz | trailers
  • RogerBW

    Actors you’ve actually heard of… but not so much, recently.

  • JoshDM

    Man, the only black person at Spring Break is Ving Rhames? WTF.

  • I had no idea Richard Dreyfuss was doing so poorly these days. I kid though, I assume he’s doing a parody of his jaws character based on how he is dressed. I thought this was going to be like one of those horribad syfy films. May be worth a visit to the theater though.

  • Jester

    Saw this trailer a month or so back and literally could not stop laughing. It’s like the director, at first, thought he was making a Serious Horror Flick(tm), The Birds for the 21st century maybe. Then he looked at the dailies for the first half of the shoot and said, “You know what? Fuck it. We’re Snakes on a Plane, with fish.” and filmed the rest of the movie that way.

  • Game

    “My Bloody Valentine 3D” didn’t have a screening for critics either, and it was an awesome movie. Not to mention, it made over $100 million in world wide box office sales and had huge DVD sales.

    Just because a movie doesn’t have a screening for critics doesn’t mean it won’t be a good movie – though that doesn’t mean I think this will be a good movie, but I will find out when I see it this weekend.

  • markyd

    Um, Mr. Game sir, My Bloody Valentine 3D sure has hell was not an “awesome” movie. The wife and I are big horror fans and saw it in the theater. It was mildly entertaining, but mostly just ridiculous.
    As for the Piranha movie…I don’t really have anything to say. Looks stupid and cliche, but it could fun. We’ll see.

  • vucubcaquix

    This looks hilariously awful.

    My uncle’s first horror movie was the original Piranha in the 70s, he was 8 at the time, and he’s excited to check this one out with me. We both know it’s going to be awful, but I guess nostalgia is a very powerful thing.

  • Nate

    After seeing some of the footage out of comic-con, I hope you’re preparing for a bright red light for this. It’s a million times more misogynistic than Scott Pilgrim ever was.

  • Game

    Um, Mr. markyd sir, did you, um, watch the movie in 3D in theaters, or was it the, um, dull 2D version?

    Those that watched it in 2D thought it wasn’t that good (the same holds true for other 2D/3D movies). But if you saw it in 3D, and didn’t think that shotgun that was pointed right at you was an awesome effect, something is wrong with, um, you :)

  • Many of the actors/actresses you name haven’t been in big movies for years. Which is more an indictment of the Hollywood industry’s inability to cast good actors (Rhames, Shue, Dreyfus) in good movies.

  • Ryan
  • markyd

    Yes, Mr. Game, we saw it in 3D. Stupid gimmicks do not make up for awful acting, plot, and everything else. Like I said, being a fan of horror, I was amused by it. Sure as hell doesn’t make it a good movie, though.

  • JSW

    So are they going to get James Cameron to come back to direct the sequel?

  • MaryAnn

    “My Bloody Valentine 3D” didn’t have a screening for critics either, and it was an awesome movie.

    Bwahaha. No, it wasn’t.

    Not to mention, it made over $100 million in world wide box office sales and had huge DVD sales.

    Ah, yes, I forgot: these are indisputably marks of quality cinema.

    After seeing some of the footage out of comic-con, I hope you’re preparing for a bright red light for this. It’s a million times more misogynistic than Scott Pilgrim ever was.

    I’m stunned to hear this. :->

    I don’t know yet whether I’ll bother with it at all, actually.

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