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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

question of the day: Why do we continue to be George Lucas’s bitch?

We should just take it as a given now that if there’s a new way in which George Lucas can ruin Star Wars, he will proceed with the ruining. Via Cinematical:

You may recall that many ‘Star Wars’ fans were unhappy with the prequels, and that as a consequence of the fans’ anger, Episodes I, II, and III are only the 7th, 30th, and 12th highest-grossing films of all time, with a combined worldwide gross of just $2.4 billion. Duly chastened by this catastrophic failure, George Lucas announced Tuesday that those prequels, along with the three original films, will be re-released in 3D. This will fix everything, since the main thing people didn’t like about the prequels was that watching them didn’t require special glasses.

The snark comes courtesy of my buddy Cinematical writer Eric Snider, and I can’t say I disagree with him. Why wouldn’t Lucas rerelease the films again, with another gimmick to drag us all back to the theater to see them? Because we will sigh and moan and huff and complain, but we will plunk down our dollars to see these new versions. Won’t we?
And then there’s Charlotte Gore at the U.K.’s Spectator Arts Blog, also letting loose the snark:

I’ve got some bad news for you. Are you sitting down? You may want a stiff drink. George Lucas is about to do something which will make you look back fondly on the Phantom Menace as ‘that period when he had artistic integrity’. That’s right: The Phantom Menace… 3D. But wait! There’s more: Attack of the Clones… 3D. But wait! There’s more: The whole stinking, turgid, awful double trilogy is returning to a multiplex near you, and this time it’s not just added creatures, but an extra dimension too!

Yes, soon you’ll be able to watch the Phantom Menace in a cinema, immersing yourself in three dimensions of boredom. It’s be so realistic it’ll be like being able to reach out and touch what it is that’s disappointing you. Imagine, if you dare, feeling like you’re in the same room as Jar Jar Binks.

It’s funny cuz it’s true. I’ll borrow a phrase from Simon Pegg’s Spaced anti-hero Tim Bisley here and say, “George Lucas, you Lando.”

And yet, we will all go see these movies, slated to be released one per year through much of the decade to come.

So, the question is: Why do we continue to be George Lucas’s bitch? How do we escape from his Svengali-like domination?

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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