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artisanal film reviews | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Apocalypse’

You know what I always look for in an end-of-the-world movie? Sandra Bernhard as the hero:

In the distant future, a ship thought to be destroyed is found floating–completely intact–in space. Captain Wayne heads a mission to explore the mysterious ship’s history and salvage it. But the ship is also the focus of another group’s plans…an evil group that wants the cargo for themselves. As the two crews engage in a deadly battle for control of the spaceship, a much larger, much more destructive mission threatens to annihilate them all–forever.

The IMDB synopsis is better:

A salvage pilot and a bartender go up against a crazed computer programmer and the head of a criminal gang who have equipped a spaceship with nuclear warheads and plan to crash it into Earth.

Awesome.



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  • RogerBW

    If you are going to crash a spaceship into Earth at something like orbital speeds, loading a few nuclear warheads on board really won’t make a great deal of difference to the end result.

  • CB

    If you are going to crash a spaceship into Earth at something like orbital speeds, loading a few nuclear warheads on board really won’t make a great deal of difference to the end result.

    I thought the same thing! Sounds like the movie makers were operating under the “our audiences are dumber than we are” regime.

    Movie: Oh no! The aliens are going to crash that gigantic ship into the earth at tremendous speed!
    Audience: Um, that’s bad I guess?
    Movie: And there are nukes on it!
    Audience: *gasp* It’s the Apocalypse!

  • >blockquote cite>You know what I always look for in an end-of-the-world movie? Sandra Bernhard as the hero

    Are you implying that there’s something bad about having your protagonist played by one of the stars of Hudson Hawk? ;-)

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